A friend of mine went to the doctor and told him he was experiencing discomfort with his butt. the doc told him to pull his pants down and bend over. The doc took a lokk at my friend’s nether region and told him, " This doesn’t llok good. did you know you seem to have a lettuce leaf growing out of your ass?" My buddy told him, “doc, you don’t know the half of it. That’s just the tip of the iceberg!”
[B][U]Paranoid of the Ocean ?[/U] [/B]
[B][U]Love to BBQ ? [/U][/B]
[B]For Fredwx"[/B]
[B]And my old favorite [U]" If you don’t know me by now… "[/U][/B]
[B]Hey Shell back !! Can you help this congressman with his stability calc’s ? How the General kept from laughing, I don’t know…[/B]
[B]After inspection of his sailors, The Captain told the first mate that his men smelled bad.[/B]
[B]He suggested perhaps it would help if the sailors would change underwear occasionally. [/B]
[B]The first mate responded, “Aye, aye sir, I’ll see to it immediately!”[/B]
[B]The first mate went straight to the sailors berth deck and announced, “The Captain thinks you guys smell bad and wants you to change your underwear.” [/B]
[B]He continued…, “Pittman, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowski, and Brown, you change with Schultz.” [/B]
[B]Two guys are drinking in a bar.
One says, “Did you know that elks have sex 10 to 15 times a night?”
“Aw crap…,” says his friend, “and I just joined the VFW!”[/B]
[b][I][SIZE=3]…
NO FEAR[/I]…[/b][/size]
[B]
A sailor was marooned on a deserted island for 20 years.
He was finally rescued by a merchant marine ship. As the sailor was packing his meager belongings the captain of the ship asked, “I noticed you have built four huts. You are the only person on the island. What are they for?”
“Well”, said the sailor, “this one is my residence, the second is my church and that third is my micro brewery where I make coconut beer.”
“That’s very interesting”, said the captain, " but, what about the fourth hut?" Oh", said the sailor, “That’s the church I belonged to before I started drinking Coconut Beer.” [/B]
[U]Navy Admittance Test[/U]
One of the questions from the career placement test given applicants for a Navy technical school:
“Rearrange the letters ‘P N E S I’ to spell out an important part of human body that is more useful when erect!”
Those who spelled ‘spine’ got the school of their choice…the rest of us went aviation.
[B]Ok, found this on the USAJOBS website … Dept. of Justice, DEA…
…it was included in a paragraph under “[U]Medical Qualifications[/U]”…
" Arms, hands, legs, and feet must be sufficiently intact and functioning in order that applicants may perform the duties satisfactorily. "
[/B]
Boudreaux is drinking in a Bourg bar when he gets a call on his cell phone.
He orders drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Cajun baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but Boudreaux just shrugs, “That’s about average folks…like I said - my boy’s a typical Cajun baby boy.”
Two weeks later Boudreaux returns to the bar.
The bartender says, “Say, you’re the father of that typical Cajun baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren’t you? Everybody’s been makin’ bets about how big he’d be in two weeks … so how much does he weigh now?”
The proud father answers, " Seventeen pounds".
The bartender is puzzled, and concerned. “What happened? He was 25 pounds the day he was born.”
Boudreaux takes a slow swig from his beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, " Had him circumcised ".
God Bless Cajuns !!!
Did you hear about the tugboat that got A.I.D.s?
He got rearended by a ferry
Brought in a frigate today… They made us wait while they did some check in the box navy qual stuff… At first I was gonna write my name, but thought hey, “dick art”.