Jokes About Jodie

Today the neighbor’s boy across the street asked to borrow my binoculars. I told him I needed then because I am leaving for sea today. He said “I know!”

When I’m at sea I spend nights looking out my window with binoculars, back at home the neighborhood kids are looking in.

An ugly woman walked into the bar and my friend jodie bought her a drink. The next day I asked him if that was the ugliest girl he ever slept with? He said “that’s a close call, let me think” then asked me for a picture of my wife.

I tell my wife I want to go to a buffet dinner, she gives me directions to an orgy.

My wife was acting grouchy. I asked if it was because I’d been home for 7 days, she said “no, it’s that I haven’t had sex in 8.”

My wife only has sex with me when she wants something. Last night she wanted to make Jodie jealous.

I got home from sea and my wife winked at me and said “Tonight all my attention will be on one single guy” I said “I can’t wait” and she said “not you, you’re married!”

My wife texted me tonight saying “come here sailor, the house is empty and I’m wearing negligee” so I went home and the place was empty.

My wife always wants to talk during sex. Last night she called me from Jodie’s.

My pharmacy has a faulty computer. When I left for sea I had 4 refills left on my Viagra, when I returned four months later I had zero.

I asked my wife if I was a good lover. She said I was one in a million!

My neighbor Jodie called asking if he could borrow some “sexy movies” while I was away at sea. I said “sure, I’ll bring them over” he said “don’t trouble yourself just tell me how to work the remote.”

My wife is ambitious. She went back to school to get a master’s degree but was thrown out for cheating with the dean.

I came home and my wife surprised me with a brand new flat screen tv. I said “thanks but how can we afford it?” she said she used her Hilton Honors points.

My wife keeps taking my Viagra. I said “I didn’t think it it worked on women” she said “it doesn’t”

Jodie asked why I was limping and I told him that once in a blue moon my wife kicks me in the balls while she sleeps. The next day I ran into him at the sports store buying a cup.

In my bedroom I worry. I think, I can’t be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked.

The only place my wife likes having sex is in the backseat of the car, and only if I drive.

My wife met me at the door in sexy negligee, unfortunately she was coming home.

This time home I gave my son “the talk”. I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about Jodie.

My wife says we need to ground our son for stealing condoms from our nightstand. So I talk to the kid and he says “But dad” he says “I thought you had a vasectomy?”