Salty sayings

We have all sailed with those characters-deck or engine-who always have some saying, cliche or pithy bit of wisdom to fit that particular moment in time. One Ch.Eng. I had when asked how everything was going would invariable answer,“Fine as frogs hair Cap”. One old square head Captain I sailed with would say when faced with a difficult job or anything else for that matter,“Dat der yob be tougher den vood pecker lips”.He really got allot of use out of this one by only having to substitute another noun for yob. One that I find myself using is "Mate, in the towing business if your not three steps ahead all the time [I]you are [/I]about to get run over!"
So lets contribute all these pearls of wisdom to the forum for everybody to enjoy(and use!).:smiley:

*a favorite of mine…from a captain who was also a self- proclaimed “gentleman rancher”…“it like wiping your ass with a wagon wheel, there is just no end to it”!!

*another overheard during a hitch when most everything was “going to shit”… suspect we all have had at least one of those…“it must be Murphy the deckhand from hell…wonder where he’s hiding and will pop out next!”.

To describe somebody who is [B]overly [/B]impressed with their education, license, skills, etc.:

“Big hat. No cattle.”

I’ve not had my time to hear them all yet but I’d like to modify one I’ve heard used to describe someone in command without a clue.

“Masthead tortoise”

When you come across a mast with a tortoise balanced on top, that’s called a masthead tortoise. You know he didn’t get up there by himself, he definitely doesn’t belong up there, he doesn’t know what to do while he is up there, and you just have to wonder what kind of idiot put him up there in the first place.

For example:

When describing a new crew-member that was a hard worker, but had a lot of trouble learning the ropes. The Captain referred to him as having a lot of Wheel but no Rudder.

We had a useless guy everyone called Bulltit, I though nothing of it until 6 months later another guy showed up nicknamed Bulltit and he was just as dumb, then 3 weeks later another one.

So I asked the Bosun “What’s with all these guys having the same nickname?”

He said, “That’s not a name, it’s a[I] title[/I].”

“WTF?” I said

“Come on Mate, you know, [I]Useless as tit’s on a bull[/I]”

“Do they know what it means?” said I

“Well I wouldn’t be call’in them bulltit if they where smart enough to figure that out. Why you need a new nickname mate?”

“No, I’m good Bos”

Heard from a bos’n while handling lines, “Pull lads, pull like you’re pullin’ me off your sister”!!

Pull hard and it comes easy.

this is so funny,I need a thanks button for all of you,loveeee it!!!

While boomed in at an oil spill in Pt Arthur I heard one of the cleanup guys describe the cleanup in his perfect texas twang as “It’s like trying to put a sock on a rooster!”

A captain describing a cadet that just didn’t get it, “he’s operating on a slow bell”

“Smart he is, smart as new paint! Arrgh…”
-Long John Silver

I got one for those annoying sail boats that always cut in front of you while flopping or breaking up a tow, WAFI… WIND ASSISTED FUCKING IDIOT !!

and another one i’ve herd is " At the peir its queer and underway its okay"

another great one is " If you dont cook, dont Bitch"

and the most universal salty saying " OHHHH SHITTTTTTT!!!’

One day, back in the early 1980s the crew was sitting in the galley drinking coffee and talking about the hardest pulling tugs on the coast. The old man was just sitting and listening and not contributing much, when the 2nd mate brought up a particular tug. The old man banged down his coffee cup and stated with some heat “That tug couldn’t pull a limp dick out of a water front whore!”

Green and green or red and red,
That’s Alright, Go ahead.–Rules of Road basic ?

Seawatch never breaks at anchor.–STCW basic ?

The best cut of meat must go to the Old Man. – Pirate’s code of conduct ?

You can’t fix Stupid!

Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead! actually fits many situations

That’s all you got b@$&h!! referring to Ma Nature

“That’s all you got b@$&h!! referring to Ma Nature”

That’s scary!

[B]One summer I was working on the Yukon and Kuskaquim river system in Alaska. While talking to the Master about working on these rivers, he told me; “Mate, these rivers are too thick to drink and to thin to plow”. [/B]

My mates favorite saying: “Everytime I try to even [I]LOOK[/I] outside the box i get a little VVRRRRPPPP and then I go right back into the box and everything’s fine.”

Then I know I can sleep better because I KNOW my Mate knows there IS a box.

My favorite saying is (while knocking on wood): “I’m not supersticious or anything, I do this just in case.”