Maritime Union Jokes

Scuttlebutt
1

A dedicated SIU sailor’s ship pulled into port and, as you would expect, he decided to check out the local brothels nearby.

When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, “Is this a union house?”

“;No,I’m sorry, it isn’t.”

“;Well, if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?”;

“;The house gets $80.00 and the girls get 20.00.”;

Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the sailor stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop.

His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, “;Why yes sir, this IS a Union House.”;

The man asked, “;And if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?”;

“;The girls get $80.00 and the house gets $20.”;

";That’s more like it!!!quote; the sailor said. He handed the Madam $100.00, looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde. “;I’d like her for the night.”;

“;I’m sure you would, sir,”; said the Madam, then gesturing to an 85 year old woman in the corner, “;but Ethel here has seniority.”;

2

How many siu union sailors does it take to change a lightbulb aboard ship?
Just two, the rest of the crew are A books and don’t change bulbs anymore.

How many siu union sailors does it take to change a lightbulb at home?
None, her husband might get suspicious when he get’s home from his ship.

How many SIU unions sailors does it take to change a lightbulb in port?
One, union sailors will screw anything in port.

How many siu union sailors does it take to change a lightbulb during coffee break?
“How about you go fuck yourself!?”

3

What do SIU sailors and starter pistols have in common?
Both are useless and can’t be fired.

4

A SIU sailor joined a ship and on his first day he dialed the galley from his cabin and shouted into the phone, “Get me a coffee pronto!”

The voice from the other side responded,“You fool you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to, dumbo?”

“No”, replied the trainee.

“It’s the Captain, you fool!”

The sailor shouted back, “And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?”

“No.”, said the Captain.

“Good!”, replied the sailor and hung up the phone!

5

An AMO labor leader is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The labor leader turns around. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” “I’m a massage therapist at a health club, I work for the well being of my club’s members and I’m just keeping in practice while I wait in line.” “Well, I’m an SIU union leader, but you don’t see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?”

6

[QUOTE=albertpachino;111807]What do SIU sailors and starter pistols have in common?
Both are useless and can’t be fired.[/QUOTE]

That’s a bunch of crap. I’ve seen many fired!

7

[QUOTE=injunear;111835]That’s a bunch of crap. I’ve seen many fired![/QUOTE]

They must have been defective pistols then, because I have never heard of it.

8

An SIU AB reports to the bosun for the first day at work. The bosun tells him he’s going to be a day worker then asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?” He replies, “Yes, caffeine. …I can’t drink coffee.” “Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?” “Yes,” he says, “I was in Iraq for one tour.” TheBosun then asks, “Are you disabled in any way?” The ab says, “Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles.” The bosun grimaces (like he feels the pain) and then says, “Okay. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. …You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day and knock off at 14:00.” The AB is puzzled and asks, “If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM, why are you giving me 4 extra hours off?” “This is a union job”, the bosun says. “For the first and last two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.”

9

What do you get when you put 50 siu sailors in a hold with 50 lesbians?
One hundred people who don’t do dick.

10

[QUOTE=injunear;111835]That’s a bunch of crap. I’ve seen many fired![/QUOTE]

Well here’s another joke just for you that also isn’t true but sure is funny:

I asked injunear’s Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, “No, but I have done 53 – that’s all the sailors I could screw in one night.”

11

[QUOTE=albertpachino;111843]Well here’s another joke just for you that also isn’t true but sure is funny:

I asked injunear’s Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, “No, but I have done 53 – that’s all the sailors I could screw in one night.”[/QUOTE]

No wonder my aunts and uncles don’t favor each other…

12

SIU= sick, injured, and useless. I was told by a chief that MFOW = Mother F#%cking Overpaid Whiners.

13

[QUOTE=“MFOWelectrician;111864”]

SIU= sick, injured, and useless. I was told by a chief that MFOW = Mother F#%cking Overpaid Whiners.[/QUOTE]

MMP = Masturbating Pirates (in the eyes of some ship owners).

14

AMO - Asshole Morons and Others

SIU - Sick Infirmed Undesirable

NMU- N$&@ers Mexicans Undesirables

15

M otherfucking
E gotistical
B ackstabbing
A ssholes

16

[QUOTE=Fraqrat;111953]M otherfucking
E gotistical
B ackstabbing
A ssholes[/QUOTE]

Per my old roommate and shipmate, a graduate of the Calhoon school when it was still in downtown Baltimore:

Most
Expensive
Bums
Available

17

[QUOTE=Fraqrat;111953]M otherfucking
E gotistical
B ackstabbing
A ssholes[/QUOTE]

I’d certainly have to say that I feel this one fits the AMO better except for the egotistical part which belongs rightly to the MMP. The AMO know they are maritime trash!

18

[QUOTE=capnfab;112010]Per my old roommate and shipmate, a graduate of the Calhoon school when it was still in downtown Baltimore:

Most
Expensive
Bums
Available[/QUOTE]
Man thats harsh. Calhoon put out some of the best engineers around.

19

[QUOTE=brjones;112018]Man thats harsh. Calhoon put out some of the best engineers around.[/QUOTE]

Like anywhere else, Calhoun put out good ones and bad ones. I have had the priveledge of sailing with both.

Oh, and to add another interpretation of SIU (and I am a former member).

Sick
Ill and
Useless. . .

I alse seem to recall that the original Calhoun school was in the old Southern Hotel, which led rise to the:

Southern
Hotel
Institute of
Technology. . .

20

[QUOTE=cmakin;112116]Like anywhere else, Calhoun put out good ones and bad ones. I have had the priveledge of sailing with both.

Oh, and to add another interpretation of SIU (and I am a former member).

Sick
Ill and
Useless. . .

I alse seem to recall that the original Calhoun school was in the old Southern Hotel, which led rise to the:

Southern
Hotel
Institute of
Technology. . .[/QUOTE]

I think it was the early or mid 90’s when some grads had T-shirts made up that read:

Calhoon
University of
Nautical
Technology