F'n Yachters


#1

I don’t typically rant on gCaptain but this weekend really pissed me off.

A friend is a pilot and with his BIG$$ paycheck he bought a 54’ Hatteras yacht and invited me and the Mrs out to see the fireworks this weekend. The only catch is he has to work the morning of the 4th and suggests I take his boat out and set up on a nice anchorage spot he picked out. No problem I think, until I get underway.

The morning starts with me backing out of a tight slip in 25 knots of wind and turning the boat within the 60’ canal then doing a quick 90 degree turn out of the marina. Not a problem and remembering the slogan “slow is pro” I take my time. Now I don’t hit anything but I tapped the stern of some dude’s kayak that he had trailing off the back of his boat. The kayak had a plastic rudder which didn’t get harmed or make much of a sound when I hit it but I start drawing a crowd of gawkers. Then I hear some jackass on the VHF call “Harbor Patrol” (whoever the F they are):

Jackass #1: Harbor Patrol a guy’s trying to back out of slip 22 and is in trouble.

Harbor Patrol: How much trouble?

Jackass #1: WAY, WAY more trouble than I can describe. He’s already hit a boat.

So I ignore the jackass and continue to pay attention to getting the boat out of the harbor. On a scale of 1 to 10 my level of concentration is an 8 but my stress is about a 2 as I’m well in control of the situation. Then just as I’m lining up for the 90 degree turn here comes another jackass with “Harbor Patrol” written across the side of his boat and a dinky blue light flashing. This jackass is waving his arms at me and trying to tie his boat up to mine while his partner is hailing me on the VHF. Now my attention is divided between piloting the boat and telling jackass #2 to stand off on the VHF. This is not a wide canal, I barely have room for my friends boat and no room with the harbor patrol vessel in my way. But I make it out without touching anything.

I clear the marina and the harbor patrol boards the boat, takes my info, calls my friend to make sure I’m authorized to drive his yacht and tells him, within earshot of my wife, that I was driving recklessly and hit a boat and that they will be investigating the incident. We are now drifting toward a piling so I order them off the boat and I take off. Problem solved.

Then I get to the anchor spot my friend picked and start dropping the anchor. All is looking good until some launch driver from the nearby yacht club comes out to tell me that anchoring here - in the spot my friend, A LOCAL PILOT, hand picked - is illegal, that it’s a “restricted zone”. I tell him “nope, your wrong buddy”.

He leaves but returns 30 minutes latter with the club commodore. This guy starts in with the same line the launch driver gave me but changes tactics after I picked up a chart and a copy of the coast pilot and directed him to show me where it says the anchorage was restricted. Then, the little F’r, starts in on how my anchor rode - 150’ of 3/4 inch line attached to 100’ of chain in 50’ water depth, is unsafe. He then explains to me how nylon rope stretches and how the wind might change and put me into the boats moored at his club. So, at this point I’m still being nice even though his theory is full of holes I drop the second anchor just 100’ to tighten the swing circle. He then goes into a rant that both anchors need to be at 7 times the water depth, that owning a boat comes with responsibilities for other boaters and that I should read up on anchoring on cruiserforum.com.

“Cruiser forum?” I said. “Have you ever heard of gCaptain?” Then I lied and told him I wrote THE internet guide on anchoring and said that, if he has a problem with my actions, to call the coast guard and tell them to pull my unlimited masters license.

Jackass Commodore: “I don’t know what an Unlimited Master is but just because you wrote a book on the internet doesn’t mean you know how to do something in practice!”

Then I lost my cool and went ape shit on the guy, told him off good, and spent the evening with my wife giving me the stink eye instead of enjoy the fireworks on a very nice boat with friends.

So my questions:

When you are still in a nice mood what do you say to a yachter to let him know you’re a professional, that just because he hasn’t seen a particular maneuver before doesn’t mean it’s unsafe, and get him to back off?

And, when he just won’t listen and you need to save face in front of your wife what do you say to make him look like the fool that he is?


#2

[QUOTE=cmjeff;73989]I don’t typically rant on gCaptain but this weekend really pissed me off.

A friend is a pilot and with his BIG$$ paycheck he bought a 54’ Hatteras yacht and invited me and the Mrs out to see the fireworks this weekend. The only catch is he has to work the morning of the 4th and suggests I take his boat out and set up on a nice anchorage spot he picked out. No problem I think, until I get underway.

The morning starts with me backing out of a tight slip in 25 knots of wind and turning the boat within the 60’ canal then doing a quick 90 degree turn out of the marina. Not a problem and remembering the slogan “slow is pro” I take my time. Now I don’t hit anything but I tapped the stern of some dude’s kayak that he had trailing off the back of his boat. The kayak had a plastic rudder which didn’t get harmed or make a sound when I hit it but I start drawing a crowd of gawkers. Then I hear some jackass on the VHF call “Harbor Patrol” (whoever the F they are):

Jackass #1: Harbor Patrol a guy’s trying to back out of slip 22 and is in trouble.

Harbor Patrol: How much trouble?

Jackass #1: WAY, WAY more trouble than I can describe. He’s already hit a boat.

So I ignore the jackass and continue to pay attention to getting the boat out of the harbor. On a scale of 1 to 10 my level of stress is about a 2, I’m well in control of the situation. Then just as I’m lining up for the 90 degree turn here comes another jackass with “Harbor Patrol” written across the side of his boat and a dinky blue light flashing. This jackass is waving his arms at me and trying to tie his boat up to mine while his partner is hailing me on the VHF. Now my attention is divided between piloting the boat and telling jackass #2 to stand off on the VHF. This is not a wide canal, I barely have room for my friends boat and no room with he harbor patrol vessel in my way. But I make it out without touching anything.

I clear the marina and the harbor patrol boards the boat, takes my info, calls my friend to make sure I’m authorized to drive his yacht and tells him, within earshot of my wife, that I was driving recklessly and hit a boat. We are now drifting toward a piling so I order them off the boat and I take off. Problem solved.

Then I get to the anchor spot my friend picked and start dropping the anchor. All is looking good until some launch driver from the nearby yacht club comes out to tell me that anchoring here - in the spot my friend, A LOCAL PILOT, hand picked - is illegal, that it’s a “restricted zone”. I tell him “nope, your wrong buddy”.

He leave but returns 30 minutes latter with the club commodore. This guy starts in with the same line the launch driver gave me but changes tactics after I picked up a chart and a copy of the coast pilot and directed him to show me where it says the anchor spot I picked was restricted. Then, the little F’r, starts in on how my anchor rode - 150’ of 3/4 inch line attached to 100’ of chain in 50’ water depth, is unsafe. He then explains to me how nylon rope stretches and how the wind might change and put me into the boats moored at his club. So, at this point I’m still being nice even though his theory is full of holes I drop the second anchor just 100’ to tighten the swing circle. He then goes into a rant that both anchors need to be at 7 times the water depth, that owning a boat comes with responsibilities for other boaters and that I should read up on anchoring on cruiserforum.com.

“Cruisers forum?” I said. “Have you ever heard of gCaptain?” Then I lied and told him I wrote THE internet guide on anchoring and said that, if he has a problem with my actions, to call the coast guard and tell them to pull my unlimited masters license.

Jackass Commodore: “I don’t know what an Unlimited Master is but just because you wrote a book on the internet doesn’t mean you know how to do something in practice!”

Then I lost my cool and went ape shit on the guy, told him off good, and spent the evening with my wife giving me the stink eye instead of enjoy the fireworks on a very nice boat with friends.

So my questions:

When you are still in a nice mood what do you say to a yachter to let him know you’re a professional, that just because he hasn’t seen a particular maneuver before doesn’t mean it’s unsafe, and get him to back off?

And, when he just won’t listen and you need to save face in front of your wife what do you say to make him look like the fool that he is?[/QUOTE]

You almost have to be nice since you’re in your friends boat, but I certainly wouldn’t acknowledge stupidity especially when you know you’re in the right.


#3

You tell them,“Sir, you are a jackass. I am here by commandeering this kayak for impeding the safe travel of my motor yacht. And as per the night orders on my vessel, launches may not come within 200 feet of my vessel. Prepare for defensive action.”


#4

Tell him you’ll show him yours if he’ll show you his…license that is. I have had more than a few harbor masters ask for my “safe boating certificate” while using the families 42 ft trawler. I just go below and come back with my MMC, when they ask what it is I just explain it means I am more qualified to run their boat than they are. Fuck em if they can’t take a joke.


#5

[QUOTE=cmjeff;73989]

Then I lost my cool and went ape shit on the guy, told him off good, and spent the evening with my wife giving me the stink eye instead of enjoy the fireworks on a very nice boat with friends.

So my questions:

When you are still in a nice mood what do you say to a yachter to let him know you’re a professional, that just because he hasn’t seen a particular maneuver before doesn’t mean it’s unsafe, and get him to back off?

And, when he just won’t listen and you need to save face in front of your wife what do you say to make him look like the fool that he is?[/QUOTE]

I would have went ape shit on the guy much like you did.

And if my wife didn’t like it there would be some choice words for her as well.


#6

As long as you realize that the sole reason you were being questioned about location was you were IN FRONT of the yachtclub in ‘their’ vision.


#7

Ah, and this is why, even though I am an engineer (and not sailing), I stay away from floating things on my own time. . . . .

Years ago I was involved in a yacht salvage/liability case. What an eye opener. The lawyers were fun, too. At least I got the ones on our side to bust out laughing (at the other side). . . .


#8

[QUOTE=cmjeff;73989]I So my questions:

When you are still in a nice mood what do you say to a yachter to let him know you’re a professional, that just because he hasn’t seen a particular maneuver before doesn’t mean it’s unsafe, and get him to back off?

And, when he just won’t listen and you need to save face in front of your wife what do you say to make him look like the fool that he is?[/QUOTE]

What I would have done is to have never agreed to drive the guy’s boat in the first place and just got nice and toasted and enjoyed the fireworks. Even smarter is to never go on somebody else’s boat period. Just watch the show from on shore. Taking the responsibility for a bunch of fools is just plain stupid.

btw, it’s EFFING not F’n


#9

you did what i would do F*** off Dumb ass get the F*** off and away from my boat…I guess that’s just the old sailor in me. My old lady probably would have went off on him too.


#10

What the Fuck? C.Captain being civil and courteous?

Using acronyms and pc abbreviations! Knock me the Fuck over with a Fuckin’ big pointy Fuckin stick. ( all said in jest of course!)


#11

[QUOTE=c.captain;74012] …btw, it’s EFFING not F’n[/QUOTE]

I prefer the Irish term “feckin’”


#12

With the yachting crowd, choose a time tested response:
-Last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it.
-You scratched my anchor.

  • He called me a baboon, he thinks I’m his wife.

#13

[QUOTE=c.captain;74012]btw, it’s EFFING not F’n[/QUOTE]

As long as we are being correct … it’s effin yachtIES, not effin yachtERS.


#14

[QUOTE=cappy208;74014]What the Fuck? C.Captain being civil and courteous?

Using acronyms and pc abbreviations! Knock me the Fuck over with a Fuckin’ big pointy Fuckin stick. ( all said in jest of course!)[/QUOTE]

touche’ my friend!

btw, I am known to drop a genuine thermonuclear F-bomb when the occassion calls for it so when I do use it people know I am REALLY PISSED and ready to BLOW SOMEONE’S FUCKING HEAD CLEAN OFF!

I know what you’re thinking. “Did he fire six shots or only five?” Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?

Go ahead TMAcadet1…make my day!


#15

[QUOTE=Steamer;74019]As long as we are being correct … it’s effin yachtIES, not effin yachtERS.[/QUOTE]

sorry but EFFING DOUCHEBAG YACHTIES is the proper parlance to use

Sorry folks but there’ll never be a better opportunity so I just have to…

//youtu.be/cGD-tUsySPs

yup, you’re right…I’m just a dirty rotten SOB! (smirk)


#16

[B]c.capt… I think cmjeff should go by this pose… "and by who’s authority are you licensed to drive [I]that effing dingy ?[/I][/B]

[B]well cmjeff, I commend you for keeping your cool, those guys will be wasting the next 3 months blowing the whole thing out of proportion, $hit, they will probably pass “the story” down for generations. You shouldn’t have to bark up a license to those tiny little world people. Handing them the Coast Pilot and chart should have been enough. You had family and friends on board, and those guys were just letting you know that “authority” was around.

Your “pilot” friend should have warned you…lol

Don’t worry about venting here… it’s the best place to give a literal “moon”. :cool:

[/B]


#17

I think I’m the “Commodore” Jeff is talking about but I am just a Flag Officer. What Jeff dodn’t mention is that I’m also a lawyer and the county, under ordinance s 327.02, designates my yacht club the sole administer of moorings within a radious of the harbor. THAT’s what gave me the right to order Jeff to move.

I respect pilots, my son is a Major in the Air Force, but flyIng over an anchorage with an aviation chart, while effective, DOES NOT make for a legal way to choose an anchor spot!!!

What rally gets my goat is Jeff insinuating that CruisersForum, where I AM a vice commodore. That site is THE most repected site for mariners, has lots of expert bluewater experts and has been around longer than gCaptain which I’m just hearing about for the first time.

So you are wrong buddy!!!


#18

You said:
I respect pilots, my son is a Major in the Air Force, but flyIng over an anchorage with an aviation chart, while effective, DOES NOT make for a legal way to choose an anchor spot!!!

I will add:
A pilot is a mariner who guides ships through dangerous or congested waters, such as harbors or river mouths. Pilots are expert shiphandlers who possess indepth knowledge of local waterways. Pilots are responsible under the law and maritime custom for conducting the safe navigation of the vessel. With the exception of the Panama Canal, the pilot is only an advisor, as the captain remains in legal command of the vessel.


#19

Ut Oh.

Time for a bag of popcorn.


#20

[QUOTE=Flag Officer;74057]I think I’m the “Commodore” Jeff is talking about but I am just a Flag Officer. What Jeff dodn’t mention is that I’m also a lawyer and the county, under ordinance s 327.02, designates my yacht club the sole administer of moorings within a radious of the harbor. THAT’s what gave me the right to order Jeff to move.

What rally gets my goat is Jeff insinuating that CruisersForum, where I AM a vice commodore. That site is THE most repected site for mariners, has lots of expert bluewater experts and has been around longer than gCaptain which I’m just hearing about for the first time.

So you are wrong buddy!!![/QUOTE]

OH MY FUCKING GOD! YOU ARE A COMMODORE IN THE FUCKING POWER SQUADRON! AREN’T YOU?

Just look at these imbeciles? They couldn’t even get it right in the photo. Supposed to be dressed by height and what’s the silver haired bag doing in a man’s uniform? I do like the guy in the mustache with his head sticking up in the back…must be the caterer!

My ex mother in law drug me to a “change of watch” once for her squadron to show off her son in law “the ship captain”! I HAVE NEVER BEEN FORCED TO SUFFER A WORSE GATHERING OF SELF IMPORTANT POMPOUS FOOLS IN MY EFFING LIFE! You people know NOTHING and look like idiots in your stupid little Navee uniforms! Helen dear…where’s my Admiral’s hat? You know I can’t go to the dinner dance without it…how will they know I am the Commodore otherwise!?! A bunch of EFFING old kids playing with boats!

I suggest that you leave this forum forthwith “ADMIRAL” or I will really let you have it!

.