Florida man strikes again

That doesn’t sound like Florida Man to me. More like too much sun or too many pink elephants or a bat or two in his belfry.

Anyone who goes to hide on the wheelhouse roof armed with a pellet gun has what seems to him to be a really important reason, seems to me. Skipper might have done better to leave him alone and get him to shore or medevac.

In the 1960s when I first started reading the morning newspaper I asked my father. “Whats up with California and Florida?” His theory was “Some people moved to those places to make money or they were tired of freezing their ass off and the rest got there because they just kept moving trying to find a place they fit in but eventually they ran out of land and could go no further. Then they started breeding. The rest is history son.”


The way it was explained to me is that Florida has the lowest elevation in the country so all the nuts and flakes roll downhill into it.


Makes sense. California has lots of low elevation also and that would explain Louisiana, particularly New Orleans

A similar sentiment about peninsulas. It appears that the ‘fringe’ gravitates to the ends of Peninsulas. Then when they can take it no longer they just keep going…

E.G. Cape Neddick, Cape Cod (Provincetown), Cape May, Florida, Baja Cali. Seems like a natural evolution ( so to speak).


Key West proves your theory.

Maine is nothing but capes. Cape Neddick, Cape Elizabeth, Cape Small, Cape Newagen…


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On the peninsula theory, many years ago someone observed that Cabo San Lucas is “where the Debris meets the Sea.” It was in reference to the time-share sales people, I think.

More than likely he transplanted to Florida from some northeastern state. Like most of our d-bags do. Sorry NE.

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True that. Most of the obnoxious people in Florida come from somewhere else. Miami is Cuba relocated. You can’t swing a cat in the rest of South Florida without hitting a New Yorker.
I’ve run boats in and out of the State and owned and rented property in a half a dozen places on both coasts. Around Charlotte Harbor, everybody was from Michigan and talked nonstop about how just darn wonderful it was they weren’t back in that awful weather “back home”. There’s even a sculpture of rubber snow boots outside the mall at Fisherman’s Village in Punta Gorda in case they forget.
On the east coast from Vero Beach north to just south of St. Augustine, is another snowbird love-in with escapees from as far north as Canada. Somehow as they thaw out, their driving slows down to a brisk walk.
Destin is the redneck Riviera filled with folks from Oklahoma. Continuing north on the east coast, the culture turns more south Georgia than Florida. If you were dropped in Gainsville or in the panhandle after being abducted, you’d be pretty sure you woke up somewhere in Texas. I’m leaving out Key West which might as well be on a different planet. Wicked State.
Carl Hiaasen is a local with a finger on the pulse of his home state and his books take Hunter S.'s gonzo tales to the next level.


When we used to visit my grandparents in the Charlotte harbor area back in the day (refugees from western NY), my old man would be screaming at the windshield for these “goddamn cotton heads” to get out of the way. Old ladies in lumbering Buicks who could barely see over the dashboard and all you could see from the rear was a puff of white perm sprouting up from the bench seat. Classic Florida…

Being a Florida citiizen for many years I have marveled at its evolution. Scammers and hucksters set up shop there due to lax law enforcement. Real estate con artists and developers rape the land. Retirees move down so they don’t have to pay state income tax and then vote down property taxes for schools, roads, police, fire etc because they don’t have kids in school, live on a fixed income etc. It’s a slow death of a formally beautiful state. The center of the state is still quite nice but you can’t make a living there and there are no malls or good medical facilities which keeps out the retirees.
Many years ago a friend of mine asked a gentleman who moved to Florida to farm in 1913 as a child what it was like then. He showed us many years of beautiful photos of the Miami River which was clear even the the B&W photos. Tons of fish caught along with deer browsing in the green bean fields, black bear on some of the islands too. When he asked him why he thought Florida changed so much he said. "I know why ! Air conditioning and DDT ! Once air conditioning became available any pussy could live here year round. Before that the heat and mosquitoes would run off the rich snowbirds by April. Only those of us that could make a living off the land or sea would stick around the whole year. After air conditioning came out, the northern developers brought the snowbirds and other riff raff. Had to use DDT to kill the mosquitoes for them but it opened up the swamps for development too… It all started to go to hell back then.


For many years I sailed with guys from Tampa and Crystal River. They described the old people clogging the traffic as “GD frog head yankee interlopers”. I found myself today, being in a hurry in my home town, pounding on the steering wheel screaming “You frog head SOBs are clogging traffic”!! On closer observation, the frog head was one of my high school classmates!


Behind every Florida man is a Florida woman

When I lived in Ft. Lauderdale in the 80s, we called them Blue Hairs. . . . just peering over the top of the dashboard and through the steering wheel. Between the Blue Hairs and the drunken tourists. . . driving was a challenge.

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