Funny Sh*t My Captain Says


[quote=mike22;26]We never had enough time on our [U]Houston to Tampa[/U] run to catch up on our reports… quote]



Son, If they took your brain and put it on the edge of a razor blade, it would roll around like a BB on a 4 lane highway.

Don’t panic, unless your in a panic situation.


Son, we’re here to protect democracy, not to practice it. Gene Hackman in Crimson Tide.


Many years ago, I and several crew members along with our Captain were being discharged from our ratty old T-2 at Galena, TX. We all piled into the rental car-the fine old Danish Captain at the helm, of course. We were unusually polite and reserved for being freshly relieved sailors out of deference to our much admired and respected old gentleman Captain. The Captain asked if we were all present and ready to go. Upon the affirmative he said ‘Very well, 3+1.’ He placed the car in gear, hit the gas and instantly rammed into the concrete barrier ahead of us. We all went slack-jawed and bug-eyed yet kept dead quiet. The Captain shifted gears, maneuvered expertly out of the parking space and just as he shifted back into drive he paused and looked sheepishly over the back of the seat to us and said quietly in his thick Danish accent, ‘LOUSHY BELLS!’


Give me a Stout Ship and an Able Crew and I will take them both to Ends of the Earth and back again…


As a new mate and pilot on my first ship:

“Keep her over on the east side of the river and shut the stack lights off, muskrats and Canadians don’t complain about wake damage.”


" Let her dig son,let her dig…:eek:


“Alright, that’s more like it, now you’re talking. You can do it, mates. I’ve never seen such sailors. Not in all my born days, I ain’t. Naturals. My God, everyone of you, naturals… We’re gonna fucking die.”
---- Captain Ron


As a cadet I was known as a bit of a wild man, and after a port stay in Spain, and telling the Captain what I had done, we were smoking a cigarette and he says,

“Yup buying women on credit cards and smoking marlboro lights, you’re ready to go to sea my boy.”


In the old days the ship were made from wood and the crew made from steel, nowadays the ships are made from steel and the crew seems to be Tupperware.


“Son, I’ve made a lot of money in this business. What I didn’t spend on whiskey and women was wasted.”


On a crew meeting:
Its gona be my way - or the gangway. Its your choice…


When I was learning to run a ship assist tug:

“Get in there, you PUSSY!!”


While stationed at Coast Guard Station Cape Disappointment on the Columbia River as Coxswain for the 44ft and 52ft motor lifeboats, my BMC (not big monkey cock), Chief Boatswains’ Mate, would routinely tell us to " Strap that boat to your ass and get out there! People are dying!"


While working as Pilot, I was backing a tanker to the dock with a Chinese crew aboard. The wind was a little fresh so as we were approaching I wanted to dredge the anchor a bit and keep the bow steady. I approached the Captain and stated that we needed to walk out the anchor, he smiled and bowed and said “Cup of coffee?” Again I said, “Captain, I need you to immediately walk out the anchor”. He smiled and bowed and said again, "Cup of coffee?’’ Fortunately the agent sent and enterpreter to assist.


My buds brainy reply (I’ve only run aground due to bogus tides)


It’s blowing like a whore at a Legionnaires convention out there!


As the Mate approached the Captain to inform him about the girls flashing their breasts on small boat close aboard, he replied, " Ahrr Matey, me rudder’s right hard!"


“Remember, all fires on a ship will eventually go out on their own”


“But, this is an American Ship!!”

–Doug Pine, aboard the F/V Majestic Blue