Where The F$@# Is The Ship? [Parrot Joke]

A magician worked on a cruise ship and the audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, “Look, it’s not the same hat!” or, “Look, he’s hiding the flowers under the table!” or “Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?” The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything. It was, after all, the captain’s parrot.

Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it … with the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day… and then 2 days and then 3 days… Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer: “OK, I give up. Where’s the fuckin’ ship?”

Here’s another:

The first mate on a ship decided to celebrate an occasion with a “little” stowed away rum.

Unfortunately he got drunk and was still drunk the next morning. The captain saw him drunk and when the first mate was sober, showed him the following entry in the ship’s log: “The first mate was drunk today.”

“Captain please don’t let that stay in the log,” the mate said. “This could add months or years to my becoming a captain myself.”
“Is it true?” asked the captain, already knowing the answer.

“Yes, its true,” the mate said. “Then if it is true it has to go in the log. That’s the rule. If its true it goes into the log, end of discussion,” said the captain sternly. Weeks later, it was the first mate’s turn to make the log entries.

The first mate wrote: “The ship seems in good shape. The captain was sober today.”

whack…whack…whack

//youtu.be/h-LpiE46le4