The good ol' jokes at sea

[ombugge]

Do you have some more to contribute?

Here is one example:
Lindsay Absolum

When I was boatbuilding, we used to send newbies to “go find the 8 inch reproduction tool”
They’d be sent everywhere until being told to ask the office girl if she still had the box for it

[Lord_Jim]

The old sea captain who wanted one last night on the skids before moving into the retirement home. He donned his uniform and after several hours drinking in the bars he thought he might give one of the bar girls a go. When they got down to business he asked her how he was doing. She replied about three knots. How’s that he asked. Well you’re not hard, you’re not in and you’re not getting your money back.

[ombugge]

Not a maritime joke, but I risk it anyhow:

“CUSTOMS PROBLEMS” ;
Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian Customs agent stops them and tells them:
“Itsa illegal to putta fiva people ina Quattro.”
“What do you mean it’s illegal?” asked the Englishmen.
“Quattro means four” replies the Italian official.
“Quattro is just the name of the automobile,” the Englishmen retort disbelievingly.
“Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry 5 persons.”
“You can’ta pulla thata one ona me,” replies the Italian customs agent.
“Quattro means four. You hava fiva people ina your car and you are therefore breakin’a the law”.
The Englishmen replies angrily, “You idiot! Call your supervisor over - I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!”
“Sorry,” responds the Italian official, “he can’ta come. He’sa busy with 2 guys in a Uno.”