AAAaaaaarrrrr..... Bring on the wenches, matey!

A specialty dating site for licensed Captains only.

WTF!?! Is someone actually serious about this?

Oh, those poor miserable wretches! Have they no sense of shame?

[B][U]IMHO[/U][/B]…John needs to get them to adverize on this site…I for one am going to sign up as they have ran all the HO’s off Craig List and I have worn out my welcome in Nevada:D:D!!

For the love of Jonah, somebody please tell me that this is a very illtimed and tasteless April Fool’s joke…I mean this site simply cannot be real. Has anybody actually read these profiles?!?

35 | M | Straight | Single
Hermosa Beach, California
Hope you don’t mind the honesty - I’m very interested in meeting a nice black woman who is endowed in the behind. Ideally you have a trunk I can drop my anchor in :wink:

61 | M | Straight | Curious
Port Arthur, Texas
Age is not important but you should be a size 11 shoe, size 8/10 dress and really like homosexual men. My style of the week is sea captain goth. I am a high maintenance sea captain who likes day spas

60 | M | Straight | Single
Norfolk, Virginia
I’m not looking to have sex or get oral in the car…I would prefer someone that is under 21.

61 | M | Straight | Single
Padre Island, Texas
I just got back from a long sea voyage and I’m really real hungry :wink:

39 | M | Curious | Single
Seattle, Washington
I only like asian women. If you message me, you better be asian. I don’t like it when my inbox is full of white girls.

43 | M | Straight | Single
Miami, Florida
Because I’m married, I’m not looking for a serious relationship…I’m lookin for hot and passionate no-strings-attached sex

57 | M | Straight | Single
Marina Del Ray, California
I’m a strong silent-type, with a Jacuzzi on my boat. I’d like to spend tonight with a somewhat thick lady. 2 scoops of chum and plenty of bait

23 | M | Straight | Single
Silverlake, California
Hey. I’m looking for an chill girl who’s down to party on my dad’s boat sometime. No drama please.

30 | M | Straight | Single
Sunny Point, North Carolina
Where the bitches at? All I see are sea captains.

78 | M | Straight | Single
New Orleans, Louisiana
I clicked something on that google garbage and my machine sent me here what the hell is this crap?

As much as I am tempted to, I will not post pictures here…yee who be of stout stomach can go to the websiteto see the mugs of these poor delusional fools.

I am thoroughly convinced this is a spoof and am laughing my ass off reading these delicious morsels!

59 | M | Straight | Single
Miami, Florida
Recently divorced. let’s just say I have a few “trust” issues with women thanks to that bitch.

61 | M | Straight | Straight
Savannah, Georgia
I’ve been working out a lot lately so my profile pic isn’t a good representation of me.

51 | M | Curious | Single
Tacoma, Washington
My boatswain found a girlfriend on this site and he’s only been using it for a week. I’ve been here for three years. WHAT THE FUCK Sea Captain Date?

34 | M | Straight | Single
Freeport, Texas
I’m usually pretty picky about who I date but beggars can’t be choosers so I decided to lower my standards.

76 | M | Straight | Married
Boca Raton, Florida
Before you ask, I AM married but my wife and I have an “open” thing going on. So it’s cool

43 | M | Straight | Single
Galveston, Texas
I’m gonna come right out and be honest with you. I have a hook. It’s on my right arm. It’s not a big deal. People hardly ever notice it. It’s a functional hook and I can swap it with different attachments. I have some pretty cool ones and I can’t wait to show you them all.

49 | M | Straight | Single
Portland, Maine
You ever had sex on a water bed on a house boat? There’s a first time for everything.

66 | M | Straight | Single
Tacoma, Washington
FYI, my profile picture is a little old but I don’t know how to use this digital camera my grandkids got me. So, just add like 10 years to that photo there.

33 | M | Straight | Straight
Stockton, California
I suffer from a condition that requires me to take a lot of pain medication. I try to stay as relaxed as possible so I’m looking for a really cool girl who’s low maintenance.

58 | M | Straight | Single
Brunswick, Georgia
My friends told me this site was easy to work. THEY ARE IDIOTS! This is not easy at all. How do I set up my profile? What box am I typing in?

41 | M | Straight | Single
Oakland, California

Another helping please!

% The data in the WHOIS database of 1&1 Internet AG is provided by
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created: 22-Oct-2010
last-changed: 24-Nov-2010
registration-expiration: 22-Oct-2011



registrant-firstname: Hoyt
registrant-lastname: Bangs
registrant-street1: 1054 Derwydd Ln
registrant-pcode: 19312
registrant-state: PA
registrant-city: Berwyn
registrant-ccode: US
registrant-phone: +1.6108890546

admin-c-firstname: Hoyt
admin-c-lastname: Bangs
admin-c-street1: 1054 Derwydd Ln
admin-c-pcode: 19312
admin-c-state: PA
admin-c-city: Berwyn
admin-c-ccode: US
admin-c-phone: +1.6108890546

tech-c-firstname: Hostmaster
tech-c-lastname: ONEANDONE
tech-c-organization: 1&1 Internet Inc.
tech-c-street1: 701 Lee Rd.
tech-c-street2: Suite 300
tech-c-pcode: 19087
tech-c-state: PA
tech-c-city: Chesterbrook
tech-c-ccode: US
tech-c-phone: +1.8774612631
tech-c-fax: +1.6105601501

bill-c-firstname: Hostmaster
bill-c-lastname: ONEANDONE
bill-c-organization: 1&1 Internet Inc.
bill-c-street1: 701 Lee Rd.
bill-c-street2: Suite 300
bill-c-pcode: 19087
bill-c-state: PA
bill-c-city: Chesterbrook
bill-c-ccode: US
bill-c-phone: +1.8774612631
bill-c-fax: +1.6105601501

% See for information about 1&1 Internet AG

Doug…do you know if this joker Hoyt Bangs (or whatever his name is) actually charges poor suckers money for such an obvious farcical bunch of fraudulent nonsense and how come on the website the ceo’s name is Bill Kay? There’s definitely something foul shmelling up the place here! Why it’s grant larceny ah say, ah say!

God help those poor fools who would pay money for such Shinola! How stupid are people? I’ve asked it before…this can’t be serious…CAN IT?!?

If ya’s likes that one, I’ze gots a million more. Why I’ll muvilate im!

[B][I][U] AAAaaaaarrrrr… Bring on the wenches, matey!
A specialty dating site for licensed Captains only.[/U][/I][/B]


Sounds suspicious to me, Capt Lee off to Singapore and a new dating site pops up on Gcaptain.

address is even on [U][I][B]bill-c-street1: 701 Lee Rd.[/B][/I][/U]

I think you would make out better if you just Googled Tug Jobs…

I have no idea but it’s got to be a joke. Someone from here will most likely bite; hopefully they’ll share.

I’m a satisfied customer. It really works. The ladies love this salty seaman.

[QUOTE=c.captain;46307]If ya’s likes that one, I’ze gots a million more. Why I’ll muvilate im![/QUOTE]

While I do like this one ! (Seriously, I always wondered what my dad meant when he said I ‘don’t know sh!t from shinola’ :wink: I’ll pass on the offer to “mulivate” us.

[QUOTE=john;46325]While I do like this one ! (Seriously, I always wondered what my dad meant when he said I ‘don’t know sh!t from shinola’ :wink: I’ll pass on the offer to “mulivate” us.[/QUOTE]

Can you imagine how poor little Tommy must have gotten the crap kicked out of him everyday by the school toughs…the sissy boy sucking up to the teacher! They probably made him eat his own Shinola!

On a slightly more serious note…first I must congratulate the great Mr. Bangs for obviously going to a tremendous amount of work putting this spoof together. This took considerable time and effort and I applaud any man who dedicates himself to go to such lengths to produce such a fine display of parody. Did he just roll this out or has he been building it gradually over the years? Whichever, the photos, the posts, the endorsement by Gavin McLeod…the art of a true craftsman. Bravo sir…BRAAAVVVO!

Only one thought to give caution is where did the photos come from? Are they provided by willing participants or are they pilferred? My mug is not there thankfully, but there are a couple which look familiar…men I might well have sailed with before but then again, all sailors look alike.

Speaking of Shinola…this sad news just in today. A maritime legend is has departed this world

R.I.P. Captain Curly S. Howard, US Mythical Service. USM&M’s class of '00, Peanut Battalion Cmdr., Lt. Janitor USNR(ret.), Regimental Golf Team mascot, Unlimited Tonnage OS, USCG Award for Party Tricks,

Capt. Curly’s greatest professional achievement was to develop and implement the modern day DP training and certification process. He personally trained a team of 12 specially selected chimpanzes to be the world’s first DPOs. A practice still in use today.

In rememberance of Capt. Howard we are reminded of the immortal words in the tradition of the great US Merchant Marine…

Nyuck, nyuck!..:stuck_out_tongue:

Can’t just let it go:


sheer and total genious! GENIOUS!

Pretty funny, Did you hear him say “sea captain date the fuck dot com” ?? I busted a gut laughing so hard 2 of my wenches went flying off the bed!

Yes. I am slow, but I just got to looking at the site. It is a spoof for sure but it could also be a phishing site. To register it asks for full legal name ands License # which I would never put on a website. But then it asks for “issuing authority” with a list of states?
I hope it is [U]just[/U] a spoof.

If it was truly salty it would ask for your MMC number.


Proof of what women really want… and what Captains expect.

May the twain ne’er meet.


Proof of what women really want… and what Captains expect.

May the twain ne’er meet.[/QUOTE]


just for that, take this!