The antics of “Captain Happy”
When he started we used to find his vodka bottle hidden the toilet tank. That progressed to a quart of Jack Daniels on the console and beer cans flying out the wheelhouse door as we steam down the river.
In between jobs he would always be seen stark naked, no matter where we were. He was diabetic so his room and the wheelhouse were littered with hypodermic needles. We refused to go up there after awhile.
He soiled himself several times while steering.
Someone here complained about piss jugs, this guy would simply piss over the rail from the wheelhouse deck, the piss would rarely make it too the water. The engineer used to like to smoke in the engine room door. He would take the garden hose and return fire.
He used to pass the time on watch by calling his answering machine to speak to his parrot.
Put six holes in the oil barge, and had the USCG aboard 4 times in his short tenure. One time we were actually behind him giving the USCG boarding officer the “hey this guy’s drunk” hand gestures and they declined to give him a breathalyzer. He used to like to curse out VTS New York, and any drawbridge tender he saw fit.
Whenever we hit a dock is when the fun really started. He would go “up the street” sometimes to meet the “whiskey lady”. This was under the guise of grub shopping. The grub rarely made it back in one piece the eggs would usually get broken somewhere during the journey. There was usually a trail.
no fence or gate could keep him from his booze. he would steal a pair a dykes from the engine room and cut through fences at terminals to reach his booze, often leaving a trail of blood either to the bar or back to the boat.
After all this we had to fire him ourselves, the office was useless.
The good thing was that he set the bar really high. It’s almost impossible to get fired for minor infractions or discretions.
I was always taught, what happens on the boat stays on the boat, but there is a limit as to what can be tolerated.
