Speaking of toilet paper made me think of this ;
It happened on a Navy LCM . Boat officer says he has to shit . We kept a 5 gal bucket stowed just for this purpose , and since we had a fairly long run to make every day , No one thought too much of using it when they had to . Once " used " it was kept where we would remember to empty it .Just outside the shack/wheel house wedged into a good spot not to tip over , with a lid on it .
All was pretty good till while trying to make the well deck of an LPD steaming along in some of those real nice after the storm rollers , we bounce off the sterngate sending the half full bucket a flyin thru the air and it lands smack in the middle of the load ramp , literally exploding into pieces . The next roll brings in a heavy swell and washes it all up on to the loading deck right at their feet .
They call off the load out due to the heavy seas and we roll out with the swell and are about to turn around, when some one whistles and here come what’s left of the 5 gal bucket flying past my head .
The guy screams " you forgot your F(&^%# G BUCKET !
Not sure what you are talking about. We didn’t get of the boat until crew change. Once on you stay on.
The idea of flushing condoms was solely to cause mayhem. Like salt in the sugar jar by the coffee.
well i feel like a real idiot. my mind went to the gutter and assumed the condoms were used than flushed. shame on me!
I knew I shouldn’t even have replied or commented on your post . I am from a different time and place . Even so , I still do not see the sense in wasting condoms to cause mayhem . Not very good " seamanship " if you know what I mean . I’ll go back to my rocker and rest now .
Don’t feel alone on that one . I also thought the same way . Now it just seems to have been something to annoy not only the engineers on board , but some of us as well . Makes no sense to me , I’m headed back to the recliner .
After reading more from this guy , it appears that it was just to try and piss some one off , not that he was wearing out the haze grey behind the hatch . Go figure , Takes all kinds , Thanks for jumping in , I’m going back to my chair .
So I was quizzing the guys about the news back home, and they start referencing the bullet in the luggage, like everyone knows what that is. I had to ask, because I thought maybe my grasp of the English language was lapsing or something. They inform me that it used to be very common practice for Filipeno security or customs at the airports to plant a single bullet in your bag, find it, and extort money from you. They say that foreigners and mariners were particularly targeted. Their current president made a typically dramatic (and probably heartfelt) threat against people involved with this kind of corruption… and I guess its not that common any more.
Possible that your bullet came from some kind of scheme like this?
Well, this happened in the Gulf Of Mexico - ship was build in Korea but she came out about six years prior - So I don’t THINK anything sinister was a foot - I think one of the gun crazy Southern dudes was out shooting/hunting and left one in his jeans pocket, probably fell out in to one of the toilets. That’s what I kept telling myself anyway. But that is a good story about the Filipeno security/customs guys! I can see that happening in Asia.
I’ve pulled pencil sized rawhide chews out of my jacket while thinking it was the stylus to my tablet I used to take notes on during assessments. I just had a few spares in the jacket for my dog and didn’t find them until I was at work.
Yeah, rawhide chew sticks will do a number on a tablet computer.
Asia is a whole big continent and more than half of the world’s population. To throw it all into; “I can see that happening in Asia” is not fair.
It cannot happen in most places in Asia, if for nothing else because having access to bullets, or guns are not that easy everywhere in Asia.
In Singapore having a single bullet would land you in Changi Prison for a long time. Having an illegal gun could get you to the gallows, at least until recently.
A good advise; if you are one of them “crazy Southern duds” that may accidentally forget a bullet in you pocket, make sure you check before going to Singapore, or anywhere else in Asia.
Way to turn everything in to a drama, Dude…
I gotta ask,what kind of treatment plant was it?
uuuummmmm I honestly can’t remember (not on that ship any longer)? Can’t remember exactly where they found it either? I’ll ask the guy that actually found it though.
I know there are many makes and models of STPs, for the past 5 years the vessel I work on has been using a Gertsen & Olufsen Bioreactor, a bullet passing through the vacuum pump would have been hell, I would be changing the pump or the parts in the pump, bad enough I have to remove paper towels from the pump inlet, I removed the paper towel holders from all the common heads, I don’t want to see a bullet pass through.
Well we constantly lost vacuum on that system and the poor engineers were constantly having to open lines and etc. to remove stuff. This bullet was presented to everyone at the morning management meeting (the clients were really impressed! eek!). So I’m pretty sure it made it almost down to the pump inlet - the thing was all polished and shiny and etc! But I don’t remember them having to repair the pump for this one.
We had a guy like that who we tolerated until he started shitting in the jugs. We found the cure to be a few strategically placed holes drilled into the bottom of an empty jug left on the bridge 
I always had the biggest problem with close talkers with a predilection for tooth picks but total distain for both toothbrushes and breath mints.
So if we tabulate these results were going to end up with:
#1 Toilet Stuff
#2 Toilet Stuff
#3 Toilet Stuff
#4 Makeshift Chaw Spittoons
#5 Solo Sexcapades
#6 Tool Misusers
#7 Toilet Stuff
#8 Housekeeping
#9 Hygiene
#10 Toilet Stuff
I had one captain that rode the stationary bike in full spandex every day after evening meal then he’d jog up to the bridge and cool off by walking back and forth around the bridge for 20 minutes after stripping off every article of clothing except this biker shorts.
But that wasn’t nearly as bad as the evening of my first night watch as 3/m… I had gotten in a bit of a pickle which resulted in my sounding the danger signal… which woke the captain of the give way vessel up without enough time to put pants over his way to tighty whiteys. Unfortunately that vessel was so close that my binoculars were soon bulging with the image of his gut overhanging a barely covered prick.
I was pretty shook up by the whole event not realizing it was about to get much worse!!!
Seconds later our captain appeared on the bridge. It took him longer to arrive than the give way captain because our old man slept au naturel but had the decency to drape his lower half with an oversized towel. The problem came because, instead of running out to meet me on the bridge wing and look directly down at the smaller vessel now passing down our port size at a distance that could be measured with a ruler he went immediately to the radar console and started yelling “Where is he! The radar is blank! I can’t see him!” I couldn’t respond because the tightly whitey’s had left me speechless so the old man assumed that I had screwed with the sea state and immediately started jumping up and down while using both hands to finger fuck buttons and dials on the radar.
I won’t go into any more detail except to say that I’ve read all 619 pages of The Ashley Book Of Knots cover-to-cover and no where does it mention a towel hitch that will hold a large blubbery object heaving violently without at least one hand firmly gripping the knot.
Bu it could of been worse. It didn’t take him long to realize why the other vessel wasn’t on the radar and, while the old man did execute an immediate FULL frontal assault on both my manhood and watchstanding ability, he did have the common courtesy not to put his ass over tea kettle and bend over to pick up the towel!
P.S. The Bosun gave this old man the nickname “The Fisherman” which our captain liked because he enjoyed fishing during his time off. Knowing the bosun I figured the name had another connotation so I asked the Bosun what it meant. His reply was “That’s his nickname because every night, rain or shine, he drops some nasty sweat soaked shit in that fluorescent bait bag he bought at Dick’s then starts trolling around the bridge looking for queerfish”. Then I said, “Good thing we don’t have any ‘queerfish’ on this ship!” to which he jabbed a finger in my chest and said “Well that shows just how little you fuckin know!” 
I never heard the nickname he gave me that day but I do know it had something to do with me needing to get my radar adjusted.