Funny Sh*t My Captain Says


I had an AB ask what was it that gave me the drive to get off deck and get a license. I told him it wasnt by choice. That years ago I was a terrible deck hand and the company had two choices, either fire me, or promote me. Since they were short handed, they made me a Captain.


Captain to the newly enlisted mate:
When you talk to me, take your hands out of your pockets.
…blank stare…
Captain: Yes, they are not going to fall off…
Stuttering mate: what’s going to fall?
Captain: your f…n’ balls!


Well, it is actually named the Pilot’s Chair


I told the Chief that I was getting married…
He replied the fucking isn’t going to be worth the fucking your gonna get… he had been divorced 4 times at that point and got divorced shortly after our conversation.


i use this phrase often. It was said to me by one of my first captains 19 years ago, and as a matter of fact I used it today in response to one of my deckhands who just couldn’t seem to find some air handler filters in our storage on the dock.

it’s a completely different and new world beneath your knees and above your head!


One of my favorite lines my Captain uses. We are pushing a tow towards a lock.

Captain “how much farther to the next pin to catch a line?”

Me “50 feet”

Captain “are we going forward or backwards?”

This happens all the time! Haha