How not to handle piracy risks on a cruise ship

How NOT to let the passengers help with anti-piracy precautions…

Passengers, this is your captain. We are approaching an area known for piracy. ARM YOURSELVES! BE READY TO FIGHT FOR YOUR LIVES.

Warmest Regards, Your Captain

P.S. Dinner will be served at the regular time.

P.P.S Room service will not be available to all decks during pirate attacks.

P.P.P.S Chase Investments Estate Planners will be on hand in the internet cafe for your convenience.