The Nautical Urban Dictionary

Get underway with my favorite nautical terms from the wikipedia of slang,

  1. Swedish Periscope
    A sex act in which a woman (or man), in a crouching position, places their eye upon the anus of a standing male partner. They then proceed to grasp the shaft of the “periscope”. Advanced users can then proceed to adjust the knobs of the periscope. The move is finished with a successful load blown, and a cry from the gazer of “fire the torpedos” as the recipient lets loose a fart. The fart should be moist so the gazer receives a maritime spraying of ocean wind.

  2. Titanic Bow Screw
    You invite a girl on the ship and ask if she wants to recreate the [U][I]final[/I][/U] scene from the movie Titanic. Dollars to donuts she’s thinking about the romantic scene on the bow when Kate Winslet screams “I’m flying”. So lead her up forward and encourage her to act out the scene. Then the moment she bends over the bow and spreads her arms like a bird pull down her skirt and stick it in. If she protests you say “No babe, that scene’s in the middle of the movie. In the [U][I]final[/I][/U] scene the girl has a choice… stay with Leo and get fucked or get cast off in a lifeboat. Would you like to see the lifeboats?”

  3. Radar Ass
    This happens when you get off watch and your body knows when you are getting close to the end of watch and automatically wants to expel all feces in short order. “Holy crap I only got 10 minutes left on watch and i have a turtlehead poking out, must be my radar ass kicking in again”

  4. Angry Pirate
    The act of recieving oral sex while standing up right, ending with the receiver shooting his sperm rocket into one of the giver’s eyes while kicking him/her in the shins, thereby hindering the giver with a “peg leg” and a defunct eye.
    “Avast! While giving Scott an angry pirate, I ordered him to walk the plank. ARRRRRR”

  5. Maine Moose Knuckle
    The male version of a cameltoe. Usually found on older rotund chief engineers from maine.
    “The chief was so big, his moose knuckle was sticking out of his front of his pants. It looked like frankensein wearing a fanny pack.”

5)Foggy Porthole
A foggy porthole starts off when the girl gets on all four facing the porthole and you start doing her from behind, while your buddy hides in the closet. Real quickly you and your friend switch places so that the girl doesn’t notice, and you sneak out on deck, wipe the dew away from your cabin’s porthole then wave and smile at the girl.
“That girl freaked out when calvin and I pulled a Foggy Porthole on her”

  1. Whale’s Tail
    Term used to describe the visible part of a thong on a chick’s butt when worn with low rise pants - resembles a whale’s tail.
    "I should of joined a research ship. I could have spent my time spotting whale tails on the female scientists’
    Also: Whale Watching, The urban sport of searching for whale tails.

  2. Suicide Wank
    When you have a hard on during bridge watch you tell the lookout to “go get the captain quick!” then you sit in the Captain’s chair and start rubbing one out. But you’d better finish and clean up before the old man arrives or it’s career suicide!

  3. Trolling for queers
    When you walk around with your dick hanging out your zipper or the side pocket of your boiler suit.
    “Barry stop trolling for queers and zip up your pants”

  4. Matsuda (Note: I didn’t make this one up, it’s a real UrbanDictionary Term!)
    (adj.) vilest, evilest, grossest, worst, etc. etc. could be used in terms for all derrogatory words.
    ie: “This sucks matsuda.”, “MATSUDA! #$%^” (to replace “Damn”, “Fuck”, “Shit”, whatever your heart desires), “Ewww…looks so matsuda. *barf”

(n.) one who is extremely bad, unliked, disgusting.
ie: “Man…that chick is UGLY. like, a freakin MATSUDA.”, “I hate Matsudas!! They deserve to die.”

[B][I]What are your favorite Urban Dictionary terms? Can you think of any nautical slang that UD forgot to include?[/I][/B]