Someone sent this to me today and it had me LMAO.
It’s the entry for “Suny Maritime” from my favorite online dictionary, UrbanDictionary.com, which is like a wikipedia for dirty sailors.
SUNY Maritime
Located beneath the Throggs Neck Bridge, the college is the forgotten step-child of the SUNY system. A quasi-military school, students participate in the Regiment of Cadets when convenient which involves: A)wearing US Naval uniforms which are either grossly over or undersized, B)waking-up at the crack of dawn to stand in some sort of formation in order to bitch about waking up early, C)Collecting stacks of pink paper or if one is so lucky a few gold pieces, D)Spending countless hours of the week scheming, running away from, or buying one’s way out of recieving pinks or the beloved golds.
Students major in either a USCG Deck Officer Liscense program that is disguised as a Business degree to give it legitimacy or bumble-fucked Engineering degree that loosely incorporates a USCG Engine License program. Students come from a vast array of places, 95% residing in Long Island and the other 5% being “Upstaters” from lower Westchester and “Southerners” from the far-reaches of Maryland and Virginia. The proper way to ask where someone is from is “North-shore or South-shore?”
The college is extremely ethnically diverse with 99.9% of the population being white and of either Irish or Italian descent. The rest is made of a wonderful array of racial minorities who are subsequently divided into the many social clicks as the “token.” There is a male to female ratio about 15 to 1, but don’t worry there guys you don’t want to be going near any of these abominations referred to losely as women for fear of being crushed, eaten, or recieving more STDS than if one fucked a 40 year-old crack-head prostitute “raw-dog”.
The type of student who attends MARITIME typically: A)Couldn’t get into Kings Point or Annapolis, B)Was disenrolled from Kings Point or Annapolis, C)Has been to several colleges and views this as the “last option”, D)Could stay awake long enough to fill out the 20minute application or make a 5minute phone call. The social-life at the college represents something of a mix between a low-security prison and shitty high-school party. After the class-day, cadets un-wind by staring at their room’s wall, breaking things, sneaking a few coveted “Tall Boys” on campus only to be caught roughly 5minutes later, or if truly lucky go out to one of the Bronx’s fine bars where Cadets will be ridiculed or mauled before finishing their first beer.
The true allure to the college is the “anticipated” (ie. dreaded) SUMMER SEA TERM or the acronym since this is quasi-military school “SST.” Eight Hundred or so cadets, retarded/sterotypical minority cook-staff, and distrungtled officers and crew board the 50-year-old death-trap otherwise known as the Empire State for two monthes to “sail the world” in order to live out everyone’s childhood fantasies living aboard 1800s slave ship. Cadets spend the days at sea working to keep the ship from sinking or blowing up, looking at porn, and doing things in the holds that on land might be percieved as homosexual. Every 10 days or so Cadets are rewarded for their hard work with a 3 day port stay, in which the Cadets will only be off the ship for roughly 3hours, just enough time to get drunk enough that they will not be able to get off the ship in the next port.
“Keeping the Screw Turning…”
-“Where do you go to school?”
-“Suny Maritime…”
-“Huh??? Whats that?”
-“Uh… its a quasi-military school where we get USCG licenses to be merchant mariners.”
-“Oh so you go to the Coast Guard Acedemy…”
-“No”
-“Oh I get it… so your like a marine?”
-“No”
-“So what is it?”
-“A shit-hole, where you get something called the screw all day”