Read what Lee Shore said again. Sorry but it sounds like you’re ‘too involved’! yes, there is some transtition, I found it is equally liberating when the lines were cast off. A professional mariner doesn’t have much issue with setting sail.
Well, I’ve read the replies to my post. All well considered. Let me give you my reasoning for my advice. My job entails dealing with administering mariners: vetting, them, training them, hiring them, dealing with their injuries/illnesses and sorting out their heath care. There are patterns I’ve noticed after 20 years of doing this and nearly 20 years of sailing as a deck officer:
- Someone comes to me with a set of symptoms I’ve noticed before.
- I suggest to them they go to a doctor and have the problem checked out.
- They don’t. because they are “too tough” or there is a stigma, or professional ramifications associated with their illness.
- The problem becomes acute. Bad result.
My original post had to with a pattern I’ve seen before. No need to go into it now. Let’s look at three similar patterns I’ve dealt with many times:
-
A 40+ mariner comes to me saying he has chest pain/ feeling of overwhelming panic/ constellation of other symptoms. I say, “Buddy you probably had a heart attack. Maybe not. Could be a lot of things. But go to a doctor now. Let him figure it out. But don’t delay.”
Typical Result: Guy doesn’t go. Because he feels better afterwards. It was just one of those things.Tough it out. And going to a doctor might mean trouble with his medical card. Etc.
Later result: Bigger heart attack. In one case a triple bypass about eight months after the first problem. -
A mariner comes to me on sailing day smelling like alcohol and recounts a whole saga of dysfunction and misadventure ashore. He tries to help the problem with good times (e,g. eight whiskeys a day). For some reason this doesn’t help. I say, “Buddy you’re an alcoholic. Maybe not, but yeah, you are. Here’s the EAP phone number. Call them now. Talk to a recovery counselor.”
Typical result: The mariner says I’m wrong. He just parties. Wouldn’t do it on a boat. When he does admit to to a problem he says he’ll “work it out on his own”.
Later result: Doesn’t show up to sail/gets caught with a bottle on the boat. Gets fired. Car wreck/DUI. Job loss, divorce, etc.
(Rest of the story: Typically two years later I get a call from the guy. Part of the 12 Step process is apologizing to all the people you screwed over due to your alcoholism. I listen to they guy tell me the story of his descent, spectacular crash, and decision to finally get help.) -
I’ve had two cases of young, strong men becoming addicted to meth.We all know the symptoms. Doesn’t take a genius to spot them. I told them they needed to go to treatment immediately. In each case they refused to, saying “they would work it out on their own”. They quit rather than seek outside help. Neither of them prospered afterwards.
In each of these types of cases I come across a set of symptoms which is likely a particular major medical problem. I don’t have a medical degree.Could be wrong. But I have enough training and experience to see what could be a serious pattern. Hence, the advice to contact a medical specialist. I also see the huge reluctance for anyone to admit to the least amount of mental illness,or substance abuse (which is the most common mental illness).
If someone posted saying, “I have intense chest pain and a sense of overwhelming doom, what should I do?” would we be wrong in saying to that person, “You’re probably having a heat attack. Have a doctor check it out now”? Why, then, would we not say the same thing about depression, when all the symptoms are there?
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You clearly haven’t read the replies to your post. Nearly everyone encouraged OP to seek professional counseling. What we didn’t encourage was for him to allow you or anyone else to diagnose him. Nearly all of us admitted to feeling the same at some point in our careers.
While your stories were a good attempt at conveying a message; heart attacks, alcoholism, and meth addictions are far different from depression. Just agree with the rest of us this mariner should seek counseling and consider medication if needed.
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Thank you all for the replies.
Just FYI from some private messages I recieved I should say I am not considering any sort of self harm or harm to others. I would quit and find other work long before that happened. Wasn’t that God damn depressing of a post was it?
I guess I was hoping more for advice on how you guys cope with the bullshit and stress out here. Seems like a lot of people just… don’t… and get super stressed and pissy. While others seem to be happy as a clam and go through every day with a smile. How the hell do they do that? Is their brain just bristling with serotonin? Do they not give a damn? Or do they have certain techniques and daily routines that simply work better than others?
Quitting one boat and going to another, or even another company, is sound advice to some degree. But let’s say you do that, and wind up on an even worse boat. I guess you could do it again and again but I was looking for ideas about how to deal with it in a way where you turn things around on said boat.
Seeking professional help is sound advice as well. I am not sure how any sort of therapy is going to work when you are gone for a month or two at a time but maybe. The drug aspect is also an issue if they wanted you on anti anxiety or antidepressants. Not sure what the coast guard would say but I am guessing their might be issues. Although I’m sure in the next ten years we might see that change with the tremendous rate these drugs and prescribed.
Anyways. Thanks for the advice. Hitch is going halfway decent so far. I’ve just decided that none of the rude behavior and bitching at me has resulted in anything ACTUALLY bad so far (write ups, sit downs, complaining to the office, etc) so I’ve just taken a step or two back and try not to really care so much about certain peoples odd behaviors toward me, especially supervisors.
I’d suggest exercise, finding a good book, or anything else that can remove you from the work environment for a little each day. Some guys I’ve worked with day trade on watch, nothing that would ruin thier lives if the lost it however. It gives then something to talk about and research.
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