Maritime Safety Ideas

Perhaps something a bit more light hearted. I’ve been wondering what are some safety ideas that you would wish your company would implement? Along the same lines, does anyone have any good stories of the dumbest safety policies, rules, practices that you’ve seen?

There are a lot of annoying people on ships. They talk too much, they tell bad jokes, and they always seem to be in your face. This can be a major safety hazard, as it can distract people from their duties and lead to accidents.

I propose that we implement a new safety policy on ships: the Gag Rule. This rule would require all annoying people to wear a gag while on board. The gag would be made of a soft, non-abrasive material, and it would be fitted to the person’s mouth so that they could still breathe and speak in an emergency.

The Gag Rule would have a number of benefits. First, it would reduce the number of distractions on board, which would make the ship safer for everyone. Second, it would make the annoying people less annoying, which would improve the overall morale of the crew. Third, it would be a great way to relieve stress, as it would give people a chance to vent their frustrations without actually saying anything.

The Gag Rule would be implemented by the ship’s captain. The captain would be responsible for determining who is considered to be annoying, and for issuing gags to those people. The gags would be stored in a locked cabinet in the captain’s quarters.

I believe that the Gag Rule would be a valuable safety improvement for ships. It would make the ship safer, improve morale, and relieve stress. I urge the shipping industry to adopt this policy as soon as possible.

In addition to the benefits listed above, the Gag Rule would also have the following comedic effects:

  • It would be a great way to embarrass annoying people.
  • It would make for some funny scenes, as people tried to communicate with each other while wearing gags.
  • It would give the crew a chance to bond over their shared hatred of annoying people.

I believe that the Gag Rule would be a win-win for everyone involved. It would make ships safer, it would be funny, and it would give people a chance to vent their frustrations. I urge the shipping industry to adopt this policy as soon as possible.

In the event of a fire, passengers are instructed to form a conga line and dance their way to safety.

This procedure is based on the scientific principle that dancing can help to increase oxygen intake and circulation, which can improve cognitive function and decision-making. In the event of a fire, these factors are essential for staying calm and making rational decisions about how to escape.

In addition, dancing can help to relieve stress and anxiety, which can be exacerbated by a fire emergency. By dancing, passengers can release endorphins, which have mood-boosting effects. This can help to keep passengers calm and focused on the task at hand.

Of course, dancing is not a foolproof safety procedure. If a fire is too large or too close, passengers may not be able to escape by dancing. However, this procedure could help to save lives in some situations.

Here are some additional details about the procedure:

  • The conga line should be led by a trained crew member.
  • Passengers should dance in a single file, with each person holding onto the shoulders of the person in front of them.
  • The conga line should move as quickly as possible, but it is important to maintain a safe distance from the fire.
  • If the fire is too close, the conga line should stop and passengers should take shelter in a safe area.

This procedure is sure to bring a smile to the faces of passengers and crew members alike. And who knows, it might even save a life.

Just build up an entire SMS using ChatGPT, that’s your real idea?


It is google Bard actually :joy:

I worked for a company that told us not to carry a knife and that it was a safety violation to do so.

On that same ship, I personally witnessed an asshole slap and nearly wrap around an apprentices foot as a line went over. I asked him if he had his knife in case he was alone or it had actually taken hold etc., and he said no because it’s a safety violation.

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Based on statistical FBI reports, knives are more dangerous than guns. Not that I’m advocating banning them.

Maybe I’m reading the data from the FBI website for 2015 to 2019 wrong (linked below):
Firearms homicides 13,927
Knife and cutting instrument homicides 1,476

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Not really. The article headline and intro says “guns” but they are only looking at data for “rifles” not all firearms, including “Firearms, type not stated” which may or may not be “rifles.”


Perhaps I’m not looking at the same FBI table. The one I see says firearm deaths 2019 was 10,258. Knives or cutting instruments 3281.
Makes sense to me . Any coward can pull a trigger. Cutting someone is up close and personal.

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The research team discovered that the events involving a handgun were linked to a higher percentage of fatalities, whereas events involving a rifle were linked to more people shot, but not killed. In fact, 26% of those shot with a handgun had more than one fatal wound, compared to 2% of people shot with a rifle.

The writer was dishonest when he used the term guns instead of long guns in the intro.

This has gone a bit off topic.

Some companies ban knives to eliminate the risk of people cutting themselves by accident.

This comment brought to you free of charge by the most frequent off topic poster on this site. :rofl:

Was it ever on topic? It seemed to go into the ditch with the first response suggesting a gag rule. Can’t remember who started that…

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Why not? Here’s what you get if you ask it to write an SMS instruction on knife safety. In rhyming verse:
Welcome aboard, dear sailors brave,
To keep you safe, some rules we crave.
When handling knives on this grand ship,
Follow these instructions without a slip:

First, the blade must always be sharp,
But only use it for its sailing harp.
Cut the ropes and fruits with care,
But never at your shipmate’s dare.

Keep your eyes upon the blade,
To avoid accidents that might cascade.
A slipping knife can cause great woes,
So watch your fingers and your toes.

When passing knives from hand to hand,
Always grip them firmly, take a stand.
Never throw them, never jest,
For an injury, we’ll all detest.

In the galley, where food is prepped,
Use cutting boards to keep knives adept.
Chop away from you, not towards,
Safety first, this ship affords.

Never leave knives lying around,
Secure them well, so they’re not found
By those who shouldn’t use the tool,
Or we’ll face an accident’s cruel rule.

If by chance a blade should fall,
Step back, alert the crew, and call.
Report any injury or harm,
We’ll treat it swiftly, with no alarm.

Remember these rhymes, let them guide,
For shipboard safety, they’re our pride.
With knives respected and well-controlled,
In this maritime journey, we’ll unfold.


I’ve been thinking about how we can improve safety on our ships, and I’ve come up with a brilliant idea. We should require all passengers and crew members to wear body harnesses whenever they are on the stairs. That way, if they trip or lose their balance, they will be safely tethered to the handrail.

I know what you’re thinking: ‘This is ridiculous!’ But hear me out. This is for your own safety. After all, there have been a number of accidents on ships involving people falling down the stairs. And if we can prevent even one of those accidents, then it will be worth it.

Of course, there are some people who will complain about this new safety measure. They will say that it’s too restrictive and that it takes away their freedom. But I say to those people: ‘If you don’t want to wear a body harness, then you don’t have to come on our ships.’

After all, we have a responsibility to keep our passengers and crew members safe. And if that means requiring them to wear body harnesses, then so be it.

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I think you are a perfect candidate to wear a harness, hum… I mean a straightjacket.

Life is a hazardous adventure. It always ends in death.

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In the game of life, no one makes it out alive.