C.Captain moonlighting for Duffleblog?

Report: No One On Ship’s Bridge Has Any Clue What’s Going On[ul]
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But all happily confirm that a girl on the flight deck has got a great ass.

THE OCEAN, THE WORLD – Claiming it’s not their job or admitting that they simply can’t be bothered, sailors on the bridge of the carrier USS [I]George H.W. Bush[/I] report that not a single man or woman among them has any idea where the ship is going, how fast it’s moving, or, for that matter, where it’s even located in the world.
“I suppose you would expect me to have at least a tenuous grasp on what’s happening right now,” said helmsman Tim Peeler, “but the truth of the matter is I’ve been asleep for basically this entire watch… which I’d say is pretty normal, actually.”

“Why, did I miss something?” he added, yawning. “Is it almost dinner?”
According to the individuals who have spent the last few hours tallying farts, belching song lyrics, and one-upping each other’s mostly-false sex stories, bridge watches like this can be a “major drag.” What’s more, finding ways to pass the time that don’t involve incidentally absorbing any details whatsoever about the vessel or its whereabouts reportedly proves a daily challenge.
“You know, I’ve never totally understood the difference between heading and bearing anyway, so I try to steer clear of conversations like this,” said the [I]Bush[/I]’s navigator, Lt. Allen Thompson. “I’m sure somebody up here’s paying attention, though, so wanna see if I can count to a billion?”
Despite being virtually surrounded by radars, nautical charts, and satellite-enabled positioning devices, the twenty-something-year-olds entrusted with this nuclear, multi-billion dollar warship’s safe passage further confirmed that each of them would be hard-pressed to correctly identify the body of water plainly visible through the bridge windows in front of them.
“Heck, I couldn’t even tell you which ocean we passed through to get here,” junior officer of the deck Ensign Kristen Yun said, posting a picture of “the beautiful Adrianic at sunset” to her Instagram. “Which is pretty ironic and hilarious, when you think about it.”
While some have criticized the bridge watch of inexcusable laziness and even dereliction of duty, most sailors on the [I]Bush[/I] say they empathize with the team’s utter disinterest in anything related to the naval service.
“Keeping up with the myriad diversions for my generation is work enough for ten men,” said Engineman Second Class Fred Meadows, who hasn’t picked up a wrench in days between Skyping with his mom, binge watching [I]Game of Thrones[/I], and finding remote compartments of the ship where no one will catch him playing Xbox. “And I haven’t even started [I]Breaking Bad[/I]!”
Back on the bridge – where nobody could quite say the difference between port and starboard – the watch standers were embroiled in an intense game of Kill-Fuck-Marry. “We’re all torn about who on the ship we’d fuck or marry,” said lee helmsman Joshua Trotter, “but the XO’s basically as good as dead.”
At press time, a poll of the [I]Bush[/I]’s bridge team had revealed that each oblivious member was acutely aware of how many days were left of their deployment.
“143,” said officer of the deck Lt. Paul Knight. “Unless we get extended, in which case they won’t get a lick of work out of me.”
[I]Editor’s note: The [/I]Bush[I]’s commanding officer, Capt. Lawrence Ryan, could not be reached for comment because even he was too busy kissing the admiral’s ass to really give a shit.[/I]

Read more: http://www.duffelblog.com/2013/09/report-one-ships-bridge-clue-whats-going/#ixzz2g63ApGjt[/COLOR][/LEFT]

And this is why the Kennedy was decommed…rust so bad they had to decertify the flight deck. Nobody works anymore. Ships maintained by contractors, if at all.

Not the Navy I served in for damn sure!!

I am like Dr. Moriarty…my tentacles reach all through the web. You have no idea all the places I can reach!

Worst part is they call themelves sailors.

You ARE all aware that this is satire? Like The Onion? Yes?

It’s not that far from the truth!!

Im speechless.

Actually reminds of a time on the TSES when a regimental officer came up to the bridge to see the ship out of Fort Schuyler. He yelled at the cadets on the bridge wing to get off so that other guests could get the better views. He then yelled at them “And get that god damn thing out of the way”. That god damn thing just so happened to be the Gyro compass repeater. We all just laughed and walked away.

This is the best one

We were all standing in formation, yelling ‘Banzai’ over and over again to thank our American hosts for their generosity in helping us rebuild our military skills after they bombed us back to the stone age in 1945, when we heard a high pitched whine across the parade field,” recalled Japanese Lt. Honda Toyota.
“At first no one paid any attention, but eventually the noise grew louder, and I saw an elderly man wearing what appeared to be an ancient naval enlisted uniform riding an electric wheelchair pass in front of the podium where General Subaru Mitsubishi was giving his speech,” the officer said.
Witnesses told reporters the man attached a large pole to the back of his wheelchair, with a flag that read ‘Dec. 7, 1941. Never Forget!’ Local security forces then tackled the man and proceeded to taze him repeatedly before throwing him into the back of a police car and driving away.

Read more: http://www.duffelblog.com/2013/09/rising-thunder-13/#ixzz2gAGaTj6S

Reminds me of the true story (readers digest) of a navy ship ordering the “vessel” ahead to alter its course and steer clear of the navy vessel. The lighthouse keeper sugested they alter their course or they would be on the rocks.

[QUOTE=Too bad steam is gone;121464]Reminds me of the true story (readers digest) of a navy ship ordering the “vessel” ahead to alter its course and steer clear of the navy vessel. The lighthouse keeper sugested they alter their course or they would be on the rocks.[/QUOTE]
//youtu.be/ajq8eag4Mvc

[QUOTE=Too bad steam is gone;121464]Reminds me of the true story (readers digest) of a navy ship ordering the “vessel” ahead to alter its course and steer clear of the navy vessel. The lighthouse keeper sugested they alter their course or they would be on the rocks.[/QUOTE]

Just like the time in broad daylight that USS ENTERPRISE drove straight onto Cortes Bank offshore San Diego in 1985!

STOOPID NAVEE!

[QUOTE=Too bad steam is gone;121464]Reminds me of the true story (readers digest) of a navy ship ordering the “vessel” ahead to alter its course and steer clear of the navy vessel. The lighthouse keeper sugested they alter their course or they would be on the rocks.[/QUOTE]

Except that story is very probably apocryphal.

On the plus side, I never knew about duffelblog before. There’s some wickedly funny stuff on there.

On 2 November 1985 the aircraft carrier USS Enterprise (CVN-65) struck the Cortes Bank reef about one mile east of Bishop Rock, putting a 60-foot (18 m) gash in her outer hull on the port side, ripped-off her port keel, and severely deformed her outboard port propeller blades. She continued operations, then went into dry dock at Hunter’s Point Shipyard for repairs.

Tough ship!

[QUOTE=c.captain;121478]Just like the time in broad daylight that USS ENTERPRISE drove straight onto Cortes Bank offshore San Diego in 1985!

STOOPID NAVEE![/QUOTE]

Reminds me of story where a civilian drove a RO-RO into the Mathews Bridge here in JAX

And left a BIG-OLE dent in it!!! Yeah that was some story.

That’s right Jolly Tar, civilians have accidents too. The Navy is not that bad. We have our issues, we are certainly not as savvy as our Merchant counterparts, but all of the officers on the bridge of a Navy ship would have every idea where the ship was going and what they were doing. And not to mention they are doing a lot more complicated maneuvers than your average ships, whether DIVTACS or flight ops at high speeds. We do a pretty good job getting these Ensigns trained and able to be the OOD for a bridge watch in under a year. They won’t be able to calculate sailings and won’t be doing celestial, but they will have a firm grasp on all the basics of Navigation, and will be pretty damn good shiphandlers as we actually let brand new Ensigns conn the ship from pilot pickup all the way to the pier. Also, we have gotten much better at ROTR in recent years as all Navy bridge team watchstanders now have to be able to pass the USCG ROTR tests and score above a 90. And also, remember they are also balancing a hell of a lot more things than just navigating. The bridge team has to constantly work with the XO on Plan of the Day adjustments, engineers for drills, CIC exercises, etc. Whether or not that’s a good thing to be managing so many things in addition to Navigation is another story. In short, though we have to get the Ensigns trained quickly, they come up on the bridge for the first time like deck cadets and we have to get them involved quickly. Consequently we have brand new conns who screw up sometimes, or a brand new Ensign trying to learn how to talk on Bridge to Bridge, and he doesn’t understand that we don’t talk the same way on a Bridge to Bridge radio as you do on the combat circuits.

Carriers especially get a bad rap because they have to go back and forth and change directions constantly to account for wind over the flight deck so aircraft can land and take off. To those who don’t know a lot about carriers and watch them maneuver making large course changes at 30+ knots usually think they are crazy and unpredictable. Carriers CO’s are also usually O-6 aviators and not SWO’s and you will sometimes get Carrier CO’s who think everyone has to get out of their way regardless of ROTR.