The famous Dutch Harbor Police Blotter in digest form!

found at this fine fellow’s blog.…all the bizarre news of Dutch Harbor inebriation and other depravities of a less than polite social order not fit to print but done so anyway! He has them all going back to May 2009 all in one place…what a veritable treasure trove!

Some tibits from the latest juicy edition:

Traffic crime, July 18 — Officer stopped a speeding driver and learned that the sober driver, who was taking several drunken crewmembers home, did not have a valid license. Joshua T. Wood, 26, was cited for driving while license suspended.

Theft, July 20 — A woman who saw a pretty green traffic cone and filched it because she was enamored of its bright fluorescent color was contacted by officers and ordered to return the cone to its rightful owner. The victim attempted to placate the thief by offering her an orange traffic cone instead. She refused, though she readily accepted the pretty green cone when he relented and offered to let her keep it.

Theft, July 22 — A pickup which was allegedly stolen during the night was found in the bay near Westward Seafoods, having apparently been driven first into a ditch, then out of the ditch and across the roadway, and finally down an embankment and into the water. Under investigation.

Suspicious person, July 22 — An enraged family man spending the evening on the beach began roundly cursing a young woman who was also enjoying the evening and whose dogs had wandered as close as 150 feet from his wife and child. The woman reported the incident in case the enraged family man gave an encore performance.

Drunk disturbance, July 23 — Bar employee reported a drunken patron had instigated a fight with another customer and had then proclaimed her “Satan” when she ordered him to leave the facility. An officer contacted the inebriate and advised him he would be arrested if he returned to the bar.

Drunk disturbance, July 25, 2131 hours — Officers issued a trespass advisement to a sobbing, intoxicated man who had been asked not to return to the Airport Bar after he began a disconcerting dance inside the restaurant and argued with employees about payouts for scratch cards.

Assistance rendered, July 25 — Airline personnel requested a walk-through at the airport, which was full of inebriates who might well be denied the opportunity to board their flights.

Trespass, July 26, 0012 hours — Officer issued a trespass advisement to a no longer sobbing but still intoxicated man whose obstreperous behavior could not be tolerated at the Grand Aleutian hotel.

Protective custody, July 26, 0128 hours — A now comatose but no longer sobbing inebriate was taken into protective custody after he was found passed out in front of the clinic, where he had tottered for treatment of medical problems which he refused to divulge to medical practitioners.

Suspicious activity, July 26 — Anonymous caller reported a man appeared to be using a long-handled garden implement to beat at a flock of about 20 eagles in his yard. The responding officer found a hoe-wielding homeowner hacking a halibut carcass while three eagles sat on the sidelines.

Suspicious activity, July 26 — Caller reported three men in swim trunks, preparing to jump off the South Channel Bridge. An officer contacted the waterlogged leapers below the bridge and advised them that such activities were inherently dangerous.

Noise disturbance, July 26 — Caller reported hearing a muffled explosive sound from the beach. The responding officer found several teens testing refinements to their potato launcher by lobbing spuds over the ocean.

Suspicious activity, July 27 — A potted plant, pinched five days earlier, was returned after having been uprooted and clearly mistreated. The potted plant pilferer was not identified.

Trespass, July 27 — Officer issued a trespass advisement, per UniSea security, to a sobbing man whose unproductive solicitations for sex the previous night had rendered him unwelcome at any of UniSea’s public facilities.

Trespass, July 27 — A man who had been ordered from the Airport Bar after he declined the opportunity to buy everyone in the bar a drink, was later denied the opportunity to board his outbound flight due to his level of intoxication.

Disorderly conduct, July 27 — UniSea security asked officer to tell a tenant not to feed salmon scraps to resident eagles. An officer did so.

Ambulance request, July 27, 2155 hours — EMS personnel provided care and transport for a patient who was reportedly dying.

Welfare check, July 28 — A driver nearly ran over a drunk who had passed out on the roadside near the South Channel Bridge. The drunk, who maintained he was simply admiring the stars, was eventually claimed by his employer and taken to his residence.

Animal, July 28 — Caller reported having been attacked by a bald eagle while standing, fortuitously, just outside the clinic.

I can’t wait to read them all…it actually makes me kind of miss the booze sodden place. Brings back many memories of my own escapades at the Unisea Inn which may have well caused me to be an item in the now famous blotter. I never was an Elbow Room patron being on the wrong side of the bridge and myself not being proficient with a blade made that venue just a bit out of my territory. In those halcyon daze that’s all there was (plus Carl’s or the AC Store where you could get an overpriced bottle if you wanted to drink alone all by yourself)

bravo Sgt. Shockley…BRAVO!


I could kill an entire two weeks off reading these. I think I will save these for when I’m having a bad day and need a laugh.

[QUOTE=Fraqrat;77186]I could kill an entire two weeks off reading these. I think I will save these for when I’m having a bad day and need a laugh.[/QUOTE]

It’s a good thing you’re an engineer because if I caught you on the bridge reading them, I’d kick you in the ass from one end of the ship to the other and back again!

Off watch of course. No cellphones while on duty. What do you think I am an academy kid?

[QUOTE=Fraqrat;77210]Off watch of course. No cellphones while on duty. What do you think I am an academy kid?[/QUOTE]

Perish the thought!

anyway, whether on watch or off, these here are too ribald to not post here for your humorous enjoyment:

June 24 — Officers responded to a report of a domestic dispute between a man and his wife. The man, fortified by liquid courage, confronted his wife concerning her unfaithfulness. She did not want to discuss this subject so the man left. The wife attempted to persuade her husband to stay by hitting him about the head and shoulders. The two were separated for the night.

June 24 — Dispatch received a 911 call from a besotted individual reporting that his female friend was having a baby. Dispatch had information that the friend was not in fact pregnant. Officers responded and confirmed that no birth was imminent. The original caller stated he believed his heavily intoxicated friend’s water had broken all over his bedroom floor. Officers pointed out that it was more likely his friend urinated on his floor.

June 26 — Officers assisted in removing a drunken individual from a bunkhouse room where he had kicked in the door so that he could party with the occupants. The occupants had specifically locked the individual out of the room because they did not want to party with him. The individual was trespassed from the room.

June 26 — Individual walked into Public Safety and requested assistance with tagging and following the individuals who were following him. The miscreants have been following the individual for several years through several different states and are always saying bad things about him. He is unable to describe the scoundrels as he has never actually seen them. The individual was referred to other services for assistance.

June 26 — Complainant reported a pack of wild 2-month-old kittens creating a nuisance. Officers were unable to locate the ferocious felines.

June 26 — Officers responded to a report of a strong marijuana odor emitting from a hotel room. Officers determined that individuals had indeed been smoking marijuana inside the room but had consumed all of the evidence.

June 26 — UniSea Inc. issued a permanent trespass order against the aforementioned cannabis consumer.

June 28 — Officers assisted in convincing a heavily intoxicated crewmember to return to his bunk and stop threatening his coworkers before they stop forgiving him and start pressing charges. The sot was tucked carefully into his bunk without further incident.

June 29 — Officers responded to investigate a report of an assault between roommates at a local processing plant. The reporting roommate, who was slightly intoxicated, reported he was assaulted the previous night. Officers contacted the two roommates who gave similar accounts of the initial reporting roommate returning to the room in a drunken stupor and falling down several times and challenging both sober roommates to fight. The roommates were finally able to assist dipsomaniac to his bunk. Due to the corroborated stories of the two roommates and the fact that the initial reporting roommate was still intoxicated several hours after the incident, no charges were filed.

June 30 — Officers investigated a report of an individual stealing rebar from a processing plant. The individual believed the palletized, size-organized and strapped-down rebar to be scrap. The rebar was returned.

June 30 — Complainant reported that an 8-year-old had dumped a can of motor oil in the lake. Officers assisted in notifying the proper authorities to get the oil cleaned up.

more to surely follow…

There sure seems to be a lot of sobbing in Dutch harbor…

Like i said. Solid gold. Also alot of besotting? Whatever that is? Im scared to ask.

Come on c, you are the author of these, fess up.

They are as entertaining as Capt. Anonymous’ rants and anecdotes.

Anybody ever step up to the bar at Dutch Harbor’s world famous Elbow Room? If you were there during the early 90’s we may have shared a few. Yup - no doubt 'bout it, Police Blotter is spot-on.

[QUOTE=Rebel_Rider1969;77482]Like i said. Solid gold. Also alot of besotting? Whatever that is? Im scared to ask.[/QUOTE]

I believe it is something found in the Old Testament.

The Anchorage Daily News used to be pretty good too … On the internet nowadays I think it is

We used to cut the interesting articles out and send them down to The States back in the 90’s. The “Eaten by a Bear !”, or “Halibut Fights Back - Sinking Boat” and the back country fueds with who shot who for sins real or imagined, like stealing from the scrap metal pile or some such were always the best part.

That and the Shotgun News, and going over photos of each others’ gun collections.