# Question? **URL:** \ **Category:** Professional Mariner Forum\ **Created:** [November 28, 2013, 8:20pm UTC](https://forum.gcaptain.com/t/question/11565 "2013-11-28T20:20:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Tim\_Coon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e274bd/32.png) [@Tim\_Coon](https://forum.gcaptain.com/u/Tim_Coon)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2013, 8:20pm UTC](https://forum.gcaptain.com/t/question/11565/1 "2013-11-28T20:20:21Z")
Im considering a career as a merchant marine because it seems like an exciting lifestyle. But someday i would like to have a wife and kids. I am worried that this job would make it impossiable. Have any of you been able to make it work? How often do you hear it not working? Tips? Advice? Stories? Thank you ---
**Author:** ![rshrew](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/forum.gcaptain.com/rshrew/32/107_2.png) [@rshrew](https://forum.gcaptain.com/u/rshrew)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2013, 9:07pm UTC](https://forum.gcaptain.com/t/question/11565/2 "2013-11-28T21:07:55Z")
> [@"Tim Coon"](#): > > Im considering a career as a merchant marine because it seems like an exciting lifestyle. But someday i would like to have a wife and kids. I am worried that this job would make it impossiable. Have any of you been able to make it work? How often do you hear it not working? Tips? Advice? Stories? Thank you Obviously it works for a great many people, some are riding solo. First you need to find out if you like the job, second find a independent gal who can put up with your BS and you will be golden. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_Coon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e274bd/32.png) [@Tim\_Coon](https://forum.gcaptain.com/u/Tim_Coon)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2013, 9:13pm UTC](https://forum.gcaptain.com/t/question/11565/3 "2013-11-28T21:13:43Z")
thanks for the input man! ---
**Author:** ![catherder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e56c9b/32.png) [@catherder](https://forum.gcaptain.com/u/catherder)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2013, 9:49pm UTC](https://forum.gcaptain.com/t/question/11565/4 "2013-11-28T21:49:23Z")
You should do as much research as you can on this industry. It is tough but not impossible to have a family life. The search function on this board is very helpful- use it. There are quite a few threads for newbies. I will tell you this: get your own life and career established first and then worry about having a wife and kids. I am mom to two grown sons so I speak from experience. Good luck and happy holidays! ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_Coon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e274bd/32.png) [@Tim\_Coon](https://forum.gcaptain.com/u/Tim_Coon)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2013, 10:28pm UTC](https://forum.gcaptain.com/t/question/11565/5 "2013-11-28T22:28:33Z")
Thanks and happy holidays to you to ---
**Author:** ![screwdriver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@screwdriver](https://forum.gcaptain.com/u/screwdriver)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2013, 8:25am UTC](https://forum.gcaptain.com/t/question/11565/6 "2013-11-29T08:25:23Z")
If you get married while you’re still working at sea, have different bank accounts or smart wife who actually loves you and not your money, else she will spend everything you make which will cause you to keep working at sea until she decides she can’t put up with you being gone all the time at which point she divorces you and then sticks you with alimony. My advice: Don’t get married until you stop sailing, or marry a woman in the same profession. There’s a reason the divorce rate is so high for Merchant Mariners, and why mariners have been divorced 3 or 4 times by the time they’re 50. ---
**Author:** ![Hawespiper5](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/forum.gcaptain.com/hawespiper5/32/37029_2.png) [@Hawespiper5](https://forum.gcaptain.com/u/Hawespiper5)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2013, 8:36am UTC](https://forum.gcaptain.com/t/question/11565/7 "2013-11-29T08:36:21Z")
Keep in mind you are faced with two seperate issues. One is what you’ve asked about, a valid question. The other issue is finding and developing a relationship while you are constantly gone for extended periods. In my relationship this career is better for my relationship. Too much of a good thing often becomes not a good thing… ---
**Author:** ![sailorben76](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47774/32.png) [@sailorben76](https://forum.gcaptain.com/u/sailorben76)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2013, 5:42pm UTC](https://forum.gcaptain.com/t/question/11565/8 "2013-11-29T17:42:22Z")
Depending on your age if you’re a young man (early 20’s) start now see the world and find you a new girlfriend at every new port by the time you hit your mid thirties either transition into a maritime job around your area or find another career then find the right WOMAN to settle down with! Have fun make your career fun for you enjoy your youth and enjoy some of what being a sailor is about! When you’re grown relationships are easier and longer lasting because must boys and girls in their early 20s are aren’t ready for marriage. Hope this helps you buddy. ---
**Author:** ![Hawesclaws](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@Hawesclaws](https://forum.gcaptain.com/u/Hawesclaws)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2013, 6:27pm UTC](https://forum.gcaptain.com/t/question/11565/9 "2013-11-29T18:27:48Z")
Life is to be lived. Try it out and get your own experience. My experience is that it works well with my woman. While I’m away she has time to focus on herself and what she wants for her career. Some of the negative aspects of codependancy are eliminated circumstantially by my schedule. It can break a relationship that isn’t supposed to be and make room for one that might work? ---
**Author:** ![workingirish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7feea3/32.png) [@workingirish](https://forum.gcaptain.com/u/workingirish)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2013, 9:14pm UTC](https://forum.gcaptain.com/t/question/11565/10 "2013-11-29T21:14:10Z")
An Old Salt once imparted some wisdom on me about it. He said "You can always spot a Merchant Marine. A Rolex on his wrist and divorce papers in his hand. " ---
**Author:** ![gulf\_engineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@gulf\_engineer](https://forum.gcaptain.com/u/gulf_engineer)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2013, 1:36am UTC](https://forum.gcaptain.com/t/question/11565/11 "2013-11-30T01:36:47Z")
A lot of these responses are spot on. It is tough to start a relationship in this profession. If you decide to get into it, use your off time to the fullest. It’s a delicate balance of stacking your cash and having a good time. It for sure takes the right kind of woman to stick with a mariner, so take your time and try to avoid those divorce paper, I hear those are expensive. ---
**Author:** ![tengineer1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@tengineer1](https://forum.gcaptain.com/u/tengineer1)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2013, 4:02pm UTC](https://forum.gcaptain.com/t/question/11565/12 "2013-11-30T16:02:27Z")
[QUOTE=gulf\_engineer;125388]A lot of these responses are spot on. It is tough to start a relationship in this profession. If you decide to get into it, use your off time to the fullest. It’s a delicate balance of stacking your cash and having a good time. It for sure takes the right kind of woman to stick with a mariner, so take your time and try to avoid those divorce paper, I hear those are expensive.[/QUOTE] It’s actually really easy to start a relationship in this business since you make more than the average guy and are gone from home half the time. Mariners are prime targets for a certain predator type. The right kind of woman or man for a mariner is no different from the right kind for a 9-5 person. Compared to military spouses mariner spouses have it easy. The problem is the moron doing the choosing not the choose-e. People who make $50,000 pickup trucks one of their first “investments” generally do not make especially brilliant relationship decisions. ---
**Author:** ![Flyer69](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/forum.gcaptain.com/flyer69/32/6000_2.png) [@Flyer69](https://forum.gcaptain.com/u/Flyer69)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2013, 5:28pm UTC](https://forum.gcaptain.com/t/question/11565/13 "2013-11-30T17:28:15Z")
> [@"tengineer1"](#): > > It’s actually really easy to start a relationship in this business since you make more than the average guy and are gone from home half the time. Mariners are prime targets for a certain predator type. The right kind of woman or man for a mariner is no different from the right kind for a 9-5 person. Compared to military spouses mariner spouses have it easy. The problem is the moron doing the choosing not the choose-e. People who make $50,000 pickup trucks one of their first “investments” generally do not make especially brilliant relationship decisions. Jody likes driving that pickup around. ---
**Author:** ![Capt\_Lee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Capt\_Lee](https://forum.gcaptain.com/u/Capt_Lee)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2013, 6:19pm UTC](https://forum.gcaptain.com/t/question/11565/14 "2013-11-30T18:19:22Z")
[QUOTE=“Hawespiper5;125348”]Keep in mind you are faced with two seperate issues. One is what you’ve asked about, a valid question. The other issue is finding and developing a relationship while you are constantly gone for extended periods. In my relationship this career is better for my relationship. Too much of a good thing often becomes not a good thing…[/QUOTE] All women want security. A good woman can make the difference of you having a successful life and career or being with a parasite. I have seen both sides and I have been with both types of women. Thank God I ended up with a good one. Either way a relationship is what you put into it, wether you are home every night or away for months at a time. ---
**Author:** ![salt\_n\_steel](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/forum.gcaptain.com/salt_n_steel/32/1367_2.png) [@salt\_n\_steel](https://forum.gcaptain.com/u/salt_n_steel)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2013, 6:53pm UTC](https://forum.gcaptain.com/t/question/11565/15 "2013-11-30T18:53:57Z")
> [@"tengineer1"](#): > > Compared to military spouses mariner spouses have it easy. The problem is the moron doing the choosing not the choose-e. People who make $50,000 pickup trucks one of their first “investments” generally do not make especially brilliant relationship decisions. No words are better spoken. Unless of course your talking about 50k European sports cars. ---
**Author:** ![Flyer69](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/forum.gcaptain.com/flyer69/32/6000_2.png) [@Flyer69](https://forum.gcaptain.com/u/Flyer69)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2013, 7:04pm UTC](https://forum.gcaptain.com/t/question/11565/16 "2013-11-30T19:04:46Z")
> [@"Flyer69"](#): > > Jody likes driving that pickup around. Oh yeah “driving that pickup” is a metaphor. ---
**Author:** ![catherder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e56c9b/32.png) [@catherder](https://forum.gcaptain.com/u/catherder)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2013, 8:46pm UTC](https://forum.gcaptain.com/t/question/11565/17 "2013-11-30T20:46:06Z")
[QUOTE=salt’n steel;125421]No words are better spoken. Unless of course your talking about 50k European sports cars.[/QUOTE] I got a pretty good deal on my little 3 series. Good taste and thrift can go together. - - - Updated - - - [QUOTE=Flyer69;125422]Oh yeah “driving that pickup” is a metaphor.[/QUOTE] When using the name Jody, does one need a metaphor? Unless, of course, your name really is Jody… ---
**Author:** ![z-drive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c37758/32.png) [@z-drive](https://forum.gcaptain.com/u/z-drive)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2013, 9:04pm UTC](https://forum.gcaptain.com/t/question/11565/18 "2013-11-30T21:04:09Z")
But you really do need the big lift, diesel and “dry” exhaust stacks. ---
**Author:** ![gulf\_engineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@gulf\_engineer](https://forum.gcaptain.com/u/gulf_engineer)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2013, 2:51am UTC](https://forum.gcaptain.com/t/question/11565/19 "2013-12-01T02:51:44Z")
> [@"tengineer1"](#): > > It’s actually really easy to start a relationship in this business since you make more than the average guy and are gone from home half the time. Mariners are prime targets for a certain predator type. The right kind of woman or man for a mariner is no different from the right kind for a 9-5 person. Compared to military spouses mariner spouses have it easy. The problem is the moron doing the choosing not the choose-e. People who make $50,000 pickup trucks one of their first “investments” generally do not make especially brilliant relationship decisions. You’re correct tengineer, it is all too easy to start a relationship but it is very difficult to start a FAMILY. That leather seated 4x4 is nice to drive around in the off time, and as long as Jody leaves it with a full tank, whos gonna know? ---
**Author:** ![Capt\_Lee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Capt\_Lee](https://forum.gcaptain.com/u/Capt_Lee)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2013, 4:15am UTC](https://forum.gcaptain.com/t/question/11565/20 "2013-12-01T04:15:54Z")
[QUOTE=“catherder;125427”] I got a pretty good deal on my little 3 series. Good taste and thrift can go together. - - - Updated - - - When using the name Jody, does one need a metaphor? Unless, of course, your name really is Jody…[/QUOTE] They have Jody in Mexico as well. His name is Sancho. [Next page](https://forum.gcaptain.com/t/question/11565.md?page=2)