Ask Capt_Anonymous


[QUOTE=dougpine;57219]Here’s a question for you, Capt_Anonymous, that recently popped up on the forum. Can you help this poor damsel in distress, maybe?

[I]I wonder if there are any “other halves” on here – male or female – that might give me an opinion.

I met someone nice, we started dating, it was going well, then… he’s off at sea. For months. And is mostly not writing. It really seems like a terrible relationship to sign up for… no? Now that I’ve had time to think it over it seems like I’m possibly getting involved with someone who basically is gone a little more than half the time. Meaning there will be half the holidays, half the vacations, half the picnics, half the camping trips, half the sex, half of basically everything great I want in a relationship… Someday he could be, at best, half a dad. Argh, that seems awful.

What am I missing?!??

I feel like breaking it off now (when he returns) before it gets anywhere, but maybe I’m judging the situation unfairly??[/I][/QUOTE]

So, not knowing the whole story here, I’d love to hear how the “first mate” in this story feels about things. By the way, you ought to call him “Chief Mate” since Gilligan was the last “first mate” I ever heard of, unless I count my first sexual partner.

Here’s a little joke to put things in perspective. If you continue in this relationship, you can expect to have this occur 15 or 20 years down the road. It’s happened to most of us men in this industry:
A husband, who has six children, begins to call his wife “mother of six” rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles. A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of this. “Mother of six,” he would say, “what’s for dinner tonight? Get me a beer!” She gets very frustrated. Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, “Mother of six, I think it’s time to go!” The wife immediately shouts back, “I’ll be right with you, father of four!”

Anyhow, my advice to you would be to not get yourself all worked up about what might be, and instead focus on what is. If he’s worth it, and you can keep your pants on when he’s sailing, then go for it. Otherwise move along.

Love and kisses,


hello i have a question can i still work offshore on boats if my mmd was revoked as a deckhand?


[I]Dear Capt_Anonymous,

I am finding myself in Lake Erie’s western basin often. It is quite shallow and storms are quick and viscous with sharp waves very close together with the occasional rouge wave. I have been searching for information on the best way to Navigate (stay alive) in sudden rough water and rouge waves. I am in a high speed rapid support cruiser. A 22 foot deep V with small tabs on the transom and a 600 HP Mer-cruiser I.O. . The craft handles 4 foot waves but you are at its comfort limit for me. Lake Erie’s shallow end is notorious for turning foul very quickly. Four footers turn to eight footers quite fast. I realize this is nothing compared to being out in a 45 foot Viking 50 miles off Miami but, it is my job. I find the ocean much easier to navigate as the small craft and swells work well together. There are no swells in Lake Erie. Just sharp white caps varying in height in 30 feet of water.

Can you provide some tips on how to get back to port safely? Is there material available on how to operate a small craft in rough seas? Any tips?. Though I have lived on this lake for 50 years I still get uncomfortable if I’m out 9 or 10 miles and the water turns.

Capt. Bobby[/I]


Dear Capt_Anonymous,

I hope you are still with us? Whats your take on the SS El Faro event?

The current thread is located here


Sure, if the boat you’re working on doesn’t require you to have a MMC.


I just got back from a four-year hitch at sea with no internet so I haven’t been posting. I’m happy to chime in, and I don’t have to read the thread. I think bad decisions were made and 33 people died as a result. I know a Crowley captain who was out in that same hurricane and he ran like hell away from it. Wound up way the hell ESE of Bermuda I think he said before it passed him by. The El Faro had options. I can’t say more, it’s too difficult.


Welcome back. The internet has not improved; Uber on the smartphone is great.


Welcome back Captain. 4 years at sea - Thats alot of water time. You could make the guinness book of world records.


Dear Capt_Anonymous,

I really love Chinese food and was wondering if you know if there is a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?




Mrs_Anonymous picked up a side job as an Über driver while I was away. She couldn’t pick me up at the airport because she was working, so I got an Über ride home.

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[QUOTE=DeepSeaDiver;185792]Dear Capt_Anonymous,

I really love Chinese food and was wondering if you know if there is a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?



Fortune cookie predictions are a lot like Chinese food. You always want more right away.

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[QUOTE=DeepSeaDiver;185789]Welcome back Captain. 4 years at sea - Thats alot of water time. You could make the guinness book of world records.[/QUOTE]

And I was on 6x6 the whole time!!


Dear Captain Anonymous,

In the past day, I have read your very thoughtful columns of advice for sailors. My what a caring soul you must be to set aside time to help those of us not so lucky to be blessed with such high intelligence.

My opinion of you, based upon your writings, is that you are a well-traveled and worldly man, with knowledge of cultures near and far. All with a dash of saltiness when needed. It is with that in mind that I arrive here, seeking an answer to my conundrum.

My question is on the deciphering of Yankee expressions.

I live in the Southern US. However, despite the 15 hour commute, I sail on a tug in New England. The mate aboard said tug is from the far stretches of the North. I will not name the state but will simply reveal that his race is known colloquially as Mainiacs.
Whenever he comes to an area I am working in he will greet me with the phrase, “What’s the good word?”. To this I always reply, “Not bad, how are you?”.

Perhaps in all you wisdom, you can supply me with an answer to this mystery. Just what IS the good word? My experience so far with words used by sailors has led me to believe that most are bad words, not good.
Is there a secret counter sign that I am to reply with and then all the knowledge of the sea and King Neptunis Rex will be revealed to me?

I humbly await your reply.

Wordly Unwise


The good word is Thunderbird. What’s the price? A dollar twice


What’s the reason? Grapes in season.

Who drinks the most? Us po folks.


Out of the Darkness pops pogey-po boy

Good on ya mate


I’m always lurking in the shadows. Watching and waiting. I hired on with Jeaux as a QHSE/safety rat. I’ve been given free reign to visit his boats to make up policy on the fly and use the S.O.M. against you to company benefit.


Captain Anonymous,

Are you on another hitch? Will you be back for the Holidays?




Welcome Back

Hey @Capt_Anonymous

Hows it going? Have you ever struck a whale while at sea on a hitch?


@DeepSeaDiver Nope. I came close once during a verbal altercation with Paul Watson in a bar in Tasmania.


The Bird is the Word, of course.